I’m not going to jazz this post up with pictures or too many jokes. If that is why you come to this page, keep coming back and maybe next week you will see some pictures of a ferret playing with an otter.
Holy shit, you guys. I was not going to write anything today. I wanted to watch Training Day, write some mean jokes about my friends and just relax before I hit the road to do comedy with Mike Keegan, Terry McNeely and George Gallo. We will be in Bristol, PA at The Comedy Works this weekend. Come down for a laugh!
Today, I saw this article:
Seriously, you guys…I don’t think I’ve [literally] ever come across a crazier, more psychopathic, delusional article. Is it me or is that article’s title missing a preposition? Whatever. This article is personalized and everything. This writer for the Elite Daily (of course it is the Elite Daily…because who else?) has lost her god damn mind because a guy didn’t return her text. We have to discuss this. We just have to.
Here is my unsolicited apology. I have been ignoring the blog. Life gets in the way, guys. I don’t like to force the writing for this website. No one pays me for this shit. I do it because I like it. I don’t want my writing to come off like a contrived job. I have more respect for myself and you. I also wanted to see how much traffic that the site draws on its own without posting to Facebook and Twitter every day. I am satisfied with how well this blog actually does.
So what have I been up to? Making awful mistakes in my personal life, wearing pink shirts, performing stand up comedy, doing photo shoots (more information to come upon the website’s release) and doing all of the internet operations for Get Involved Comedy (big things coming in the next few months). I’ve been a busy little Hughbear. There was no purpose to any of that other than just to brag, but whatever.
Take the jump to hear a solid rant!
Let’s get this straight. I’m not marrying any man. Pun not really intended? I took the headline from the main article. If you couldn’t tell, I’m back to reading articles from this site called the Elite Daily. They drive me crazy. This article was written by another female, the article is entitled The Difference Between The Man You Marry and The Men You Hook Up With. It came across my Facebook feed. Obviously, some poor girl who gets used and abused like a Siamese fuck doll probably posted this on her stupid wall to let her Facebook friends know that she is smart enough to tell the difference between the two types of gentlemen the article describes. I don’t remember where I saw it but you have to be retarded to resonate with this. You have to be an even bigger retard if you do not know the difference between marriage material and a one night stand.
So let’s get right into it after the jump:
This article came across my news feed the other day. Zach Hunter was called a “modern-day hero” by CNN when he was only a teenager. Already I am furious at this person because my “Z” key on my computer has been busted for months since my dog jumped on it and I have to use it to type this self-serving fartsniffer’s name a bunch of times.
I know I’ll probably be called a “hater” because what else do you call someone who disagrees with you? People used to think they were bad at things. Now they dismiss their critics by saying “Haters gonna hate” and they walk away proud instead of embarrassed. To me, Hunter did nothing.
I know many of you do not know who he is, so we will get into all of this after the jump…
Let me start this post by apologizing. I have to say that I was judging a book by its cover. The Beer and Feminism chick is actually super cool and I misjudged her writing as she swears that her post was satire directed at a few friends. After I put her shit on blast, what was her reaction?
Wow. Do I feel like a bag of shit. How can I spit such hate at a person and they respond by laughing? Are people really that nice? Is this real life? She even said I was right and a great writer. This is ridiculous. It’s like I pouted and stamped my feet and all I got was “Aw. Look at the cute little guy. Isn’t he cute when he’s mad?”
So, I apologized to Alyssa because she is extremely nice and talented. Also, super cute like I said. She likes to pretend she’s hard and tough. It’s definitely not the case. I’m not sure if she has accepted my apology, she certainly doesn’t have to but I’m sure she will get me back somehow.
Anyways, after a few days of my post EXPLODING and tons of traffic being directed to my little slice of the internet, I received my first piece of Hate Mail. Can I just say now how offended I am? This person must know my whole life story and they called me out on a lot of shit. Damn. It cut DEEP. I need to go take 3 hot showers in my pajamas.
Hate Mail after the jump:
Alright, the vitriol is coming out. My guns are cocked and loaded because THIS FUCKING ARTICLE came across my Facebook news feed. I feel like I could shoot force lightning from my finger tips they are moving so fast. This article is full of bullshit and man-hating written vomit that I’m gagging over the cat-hair. Because this author must have 20 cats, you see. The author is a special kind of autistic. I had 3 posts all typed up on the same topic for a trilogy of not understanding the other species but this made me feel like I was at a feminist rally for women with missing chromosomes.
Follow me after the jump and we will start a firefight.