That flower can talk!
Reading an article from my friends at UPROXX (click for source), I stumbled upon the most annoying person in the world. This post might send you into orbit. I know I bash women for being crazy on this website, so to be fair I will rip this guy a new asshole because he is a gigantic douche. This guy has a list of “Deal breakers” and they are all ridiculous. He must be forever alone because there is no way he found someone who follows all of these rules. Also, the list is quite long. Long and annoying. Is there a penis reference there? Ah, whatever it’s late.
If you don’t know what a deal breaker is, I will explain. A deal breaker is a non-negotiable aspect of a relationship in which you will not budge or compromise on. For some people it could be smoking. They will not date a smoker. I will say that this guy is a little more specific than this. More after the jump.
IT IS NOT THIS DAY
I see tons of these list every day. It’s all titled something like “Things Girls Do That Guys Don’t Know About” or vice versa. It’s quite stupid. I save them in a file to revisit when I don’t have a head ache because it ultimately will give me one. I’m not going to preface this with much because I’m just mailing it in tonight.
The Elite Daily is the bane of my existence
Again, my dumb Facebook friends are reposting the Elite Daily. I recently made some cuts to the feminists and club sluts on my news feed so it will slow down a tad. Hopefully. However, I found this article interesting because I like to read what the opposite sex looks for in a person. It makes me feel like I’m reading secret documents.
The opening paragraph of this article uses the word “court” which is suiting for the dating world. You have to dress up like you are in court. You have to fool some lady with a hammer in to thinking you are a nice boy. Then you have to pay thousands of dollars to stay out of trouble. I’m not sure that analogy worked. I just hate the legal system.
Follow me, please.
Wasn’t Oscar Wilde gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Here is a cool little article that came across my WordPress feed. It seems that this James Sama character and I are on the same page. His blog is just a tad more popular than mine. He has me beat by a mere 19,742,000 hits. I’m going to ignore what he looks like as a person in his lil head shot because he might as well be wearing a bullseye. However, I agree with him so I won’t trash him. I’m also going to pretend that I didn’t think his URL was James’ Mama at first.
Check out his article and then follow me after the jump to run down his list with my commentary because I’m a pathetic writer and don’t create content anymore.
Let’s get this straight. I’m not marrying any man. Pun not really intended? I took the headline from the main article. If you couldn’t tell, I’m back to reading articles from this site called the Elite Daily. They drive me crazy. This article was written by another female, the article is entitled The Difference Between The Man You Marry and The Men You Hook Up With. It came across my Facebook feed. Obviously, some poor girl who gets used and abused like a Siamese fuck doll probably posted this on her stupid wall to let her Facebook friends know that she is smart enough to tell the difference between the two types of gentlemen the article describes. I don’t remember where I saw it but you have to be retarded to resonate with this. You have to be an even bigger retard if you do not know the difference between marriage material and a one night stand.
So let’s get right into it after the jump:
My first friend in comedy Anthony DiDomenico sent me this article on Single Girl Problems which I wasn’t aware existed. What problems could a single girl have? “Like, OMG this dude is offering to buy me another drink. What a creep. He even said ‘Hey, I’m Hugh.’ Gross!” That’s the type of stuff that I imagine happening to a single girl. It is also a conversation I heard a single girl have with a friend about some other poor sap trying to buy her a drink. I was the “removed” from the train because making girls cry is frowned upon on the LIRR.
The single girl is an anomaly. She is jealous and bitter of her married friends yet she is constantly swearing off men only to get drunk and rub up against the first pair of True Religion jeans they spy at the Slothy Saloon. They are fickle and there is no end to their complaining. You just have to suffer through it until they are ready to settle down and make themselves happy. Or you make them happy. Whatever comes first.