Again, my dumb Facebook friends are reposting the Elite Daily. I recently made some cuts to the feminists and club sluts on my news feed so it will slow down a tad. Hopefully. However, I found this article interesting because I like to read what the opposite sex looks for in a person. It makes me feel like I’m reading secret documents.
The opening paragraph of this article uses the word “court” which is suiting for the dating world. You have to dress up like you are in court. You have to fool some lady with a hammer in to thinking you are a nice boy. Then you have to pay thousands of dollars to stay out of trouble. I’m not sure that analogy worked. I just hate the legal system.
Follow me, please.
Alright so again, this is their list and my commentary. This author feels that there are two types of men. One group is lazy out of fear of commitment and the other is confused as to what women want. Refer to the above graph if you are confused as to what category you fall under.
Anyway, here is the list:
- We want a go-getter: A go-getter, if you didn’t know is a person who goes and gets something. Makes sense, right? Well according to this woman all women only want is a guy who has a crush on them and approaches them with confidence then goes out and gets them. You know, because if they like you first they will be timid and scared little fawns that will never voice their opinion. If they do, they will be labeled as a demon-whore with male tendencies. So fellas, you want to get laid just grab the duct tape and tire iron. It’s just a matter of asking! Don’t forget, “No” means “Yes, please!”
- We want a man who calls: I’ve literally went entire relationships with women without hearing their phone-voice. This is bullshit and particular to only the author. Women couldn’t care less about you calling them. As long as the text conversation is more than one or two words on your part, you’re golden Ponyboy.
- A man who makes plans: This one is a trap. A girl wants you to make plans because that ensures another date. It’s like when they leave their scarf or lip stick at your house. Then they can come back and get it to see you again. It’s all a little mind game. The rule is you never make plans further in the future than you have dated. For example: dating for six months? You can not make plans a year down the road. Dating for two weeks? You cannot make plans next month. My suggestion is go on a date and if you like her, wait a few days and schedule the next one. My personal problems with this usually start when I make a date with a girl then I schedule something in the future. I go on the first date and realize I hate her. Then I’m stuck with plans for the second date. Not a fun situation to be in.
This girl who wrote this article speaks of men who are fearful about their date ideas. She suggests you learn about the female you are interested in so you can make a date accordingly. She also says you can plan a creative date for under $20. I guaran-fucking-tee if you take a girl on a date for under $20 there will be no second date. Unless you met online and decide to meet up for coffee for the first time to make sure there isn’t a serial killer in the mix. That’s about it. Even then, you better be interesting or sexy. Stick to your wheelhouse, fellas. If she doesn’t want to do what you want to do, well then she is not right for you and you are wasting your god damn time. I’m not into climbing mountains. Why? Because I know of machines that will get me to the top without scuffing my Jordan’s. I’m not taking a female to go scale the Alps and to be frank, I don’t want to date a girl who wants to go mountain climbing. Okay, now I’m Hugh again.
- A man who focuses on just one girl: But what if I’m into polyamory* like all the rest of the smart and respectful people who I’ve never heard of? Psh. Some girls are a fucking hypocritical punchline to the joke that is their life. Listen here, if a dude is focusing on more than one girl, he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. Some girls also think that you have been focusing on more than one female when in reality you were solely focusing on her, then she became a nut-bag so you focused on someone else for a few weeks. Then Female B because a nut-bag so you went back to focusing on Female A. That isn’t cheating or lying. That’s avoiding nut-bags. I’m like the anti-Squirrel purse.
- A respectful man: I never understand why women have to list respect on their list of values for a man. Are they really being disrespected this often? How hard is it for men to show up and not break promises? I understand that some men are busy and women usually take that as an excuse until they actually get into a serious relationship with that busy man. Then she realizes how hard he works or that he really is a comedian who travels across the country. Then she feels bad for fucking some banker in the back of his Honda Accord. Then eventually, she will complain about how he never has time for her until he gets fired from his day job and his life implodes and then she leaves him for someone with more money. But yeah, men need to be respectful. That’s a non-negotiable!
- A consistent man: This is stupid. Someone can consistently murder kittens with a cement mixer. Is that what you want? Maybe a little less drastic? If a guy is consistently late, would that make you happy? You know what you’re getting, right? Oh! OH! I love this. She writes “stay consistent with creative dates, surprises, compliments and effort.” Okay, because we are just compliment machines. We can keep coming up with new ways to say “you look nice” or “you’re so smart.”
How about effort? Yeah, after a while you build up tolerance and we are constantly out-doing ourselves until the bar is so high you get fucking bored and say we aren’t romantic anymore.
Creative dates and surprises? That’s ridiculous. If you are consistently surprising someone, it isn’t a surprise anymore. It’s expected. You’re expecting to be surprised. If I come home every week with a surprise you will be waiting for that surprise. If I don’t come home with a surprise one day you will be disappointed because you were expecting to be surprised. Meanwhile, that was actually me being spontaneous. Not surprising you was the surprise. Gotta keep you on your toes, bitches. Did that get confusing? It made sense in my mind.
- A man with a plan: Back to planning? C’mon. Every man has some sort of plan. This is true. You have to know we are ambitious and striving for something. That makes sense. Just don’t be disappointed if we are trying to be normal people. Some men will be totally comfortable being a soldier. Not every man wants to be a general. Some people will just want to strive to be the best soldier they can be and that should be enough for you. Not everyone is a leader. If you want a leader, say that.
Thank God this writer girly girl is adorable. Check her out. Hello Amanda. She will have no problem finding some dude making 26 figures. The rest of you slobs will have to settle. So when her man has more abs than humanly possible, is dumb as a rock and uses his smart phone solely to play Candy Crush, maybe you should take her advice with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila.
How about these 8 character traits? Loving, compassionate, intelligent, chivalrous, respectful, trustworthy, funny and interesting. Nothing about ambitions or plans. Nothing about looks. Nothing about confidence or calling you. Would you take that man, ladies? Or do you want the guy she described?
p.s. Okay this article sparked up a little rant. You don’t have to continue reading. I just promised someone I would look into this and the flow of the article made me research it. Check it out if you want to step into my head while I research something unknown.
*Back to the polyamory. I was told that this is the “new thing” in dating. It’s full of well cultured, smart people. I click on a link from CNN (2013) and it is full of trolls and ogres. People can’t be serious with this shit? I mean, I fall in love every day. It’s not weird. I just have that much love to give. However, I would never settle down in a relationship with 3-4 people. That would be ri-goddamn-diculous. I’m reading up on this. I’m giving it an honest, unbiased opinion and I realize that it’s more than just wild, swinging and kinky sex. It’s emotional attachment to two or more people derived from the ancient Greeks. I get it.
How do these fucking people keep track of their relationships? Now, if I was having deep, emotional relationships with two or more people. We’ll say 3 people for easy math. Now, Female A is having a baby by me. (Editor’s Note: baby, be a millionaire) Female B is having the same deal with 3 other guys. Female C gets into a horrific car accident. Now, I must care for Female C because she has no family. They ran away with the circus. So now, Female A is getting angry because I’m too busy feeding Female C through an oil funnel. Female B contracts Hep C because she was banging a dude in a band that lives in a van. Female B gives me Hep C and then I have sex with Female A so she can pop the baby out faster and now she contracts Hep C and gives birth to a baby with Hep C.
I made all of that up in my mind in less than 10 seconds. I’m sure that is the least fucked up story coming out of polyamory relationship. What if one of Female B’s boyfriends isn’t okay with it? Then she comes to my house and we hook up and he follows her and sets my house on fire using gasoline from his Ford Pinto.
This shit entails a lot of honesty from a lot of people. You are putting way too much into the hands of human beings (which I like to believe are inherently good but I am constantly being burned). I could never see this actually work. You would have to develop close relationships with all of your girlfriends, then all of their partners because this is polyamory not polygamy. Once lying enters the mix, this whole thing will fall like a house of cards.
Jealousy, dishonesty, confusion, time management, balance. All of those things are problems in relationships of 2 people. Add a few more? Yikes…
I can only imagine the looks that neighbors and family members will give. Throw in a black guy and there might be a riot. Another issue, what about the confusion the kids will grow up having? Plus, how can you prove that these relationships are actually loving and emotional? These people are trying to get benefits from each other through cohabitation laws. When those crazy rednecks from the south were yelling about the gay marriage thing and what was next, I guess this is what they meant. Not the whole marrying a dog or a shoe thing.
I see this thing as a decent way to take advantage of the government or sleep around. Not a practical way to live life having emotional and spiritual connections with people. Case dismissed.