This article from the Huffington Post was sent to me by a friend. She said it was a lot like my article from the other day on Unrequited Love. I don’t see how anything someone else writes can be close to the genius that flows from these golden fingertips. When I type I grow a halo. However, I gave it a read. It’s a great read. So check it out and then promise to come back and read what I say, okay? You promise? Wait! Don’t leave me! Where are you going?! Good. Fine. You’re just like everyone else! My mother was right about you.
Thanks to Jen for the tip
If you didn’t feel like reading the story, it is about a guy who falls in love with his best friend. He highly recommends you do that. However, when it was time to get married he became overwhelmed with fear. From what I hear, this is totally natural. No matter who you are about to marry. The normal questions arise. “Will she make me happy?” “Is she the right person for me?” And all of that jazz.
So he did what any normal man does in a situation like this, he consults his father. The result? Golden wisdom from an experienced man:
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
I loved that. I loved every second of that. Great advice. Falling in love isn’t about you at all. Marriage is for her and your future family. Everyone is so self-centered with their logic. Everything must be geared to making them happy in some way. This is what this author calls “Walmart philosophy” where if something makes you unhappy you can return it and get another.
I think people have a hard time with taking a step back and saying “Wow. This has nothing to do with me.” Everyone must be involved with everything and if they aren’t then it doesn’t matter. If you are the type of person that hears the word love and thinks “What’s in it for me?” then it isn’t for you. It’s not your wheelhouse.
Love is like a bank account. You can only take out what you put in. The people who are miserable in their relationships are usually people who do nothing for their relationship. They do nothing for their partner in love. They expect to be loved unconditionally without putting in the proper foundation.
It all boils down to being your own advocate. This might not make sense yet but wait for it to come full circle. If you feel a certain way, you have to vocalize your opinion. No one will know if your heart hurts if you don’t let people know. Heart ache is an internal injury. It’s not a black eye. Sometimes people can look at your face and see that you’re sad but other can hide their emotions very well. I know that my mouth deceives my soul. My mouth will tell everyone that I am okay when I am not even close to being okay. Maybe some of you are like this as well.
No one is going to give you the love you desire if you are not vocal about your needs. No one is just going to hand you anything in life. You have to reach out and grab it. You need to put in effort and hard work to get what you desire. Relationships are no different from anything else that happens in life. You must work to succeed and today’s person thinks they deserve everything while doing nothing.
Well, that’s that. And now… GIRLS JUMPING ON TRAMPOLINES!