I have a feeling this topic is super creepy. I found an article titled “You Should Fall For Someone Who Doesn’t Love You” at the Thought Catalog. The title caught my eye because I’m pretty sure that is the exact opposite of what I want. Naturally, a person wants their love to be reciprocated and more often than not they want it doubled.
The author opens up by saying that he just became aware that there might have been people on this earth that have never experienced the phenomenon of loving someone and not having that love returned to them. I can vouch for a majority of the people who have felt this “unrequited love” and say that it is a miserable feeling. This is why the article caught my eye, why would he tell me to experience this?
Alright, to get a feel for the article, this is what I read which started my thought process. I really like the Thought Catalog. It’s like a reader’s blog. No silly animal pictures (so at least they aren’t stepping on my toes). The lists are never in slideshow fashion. The authors are all smart and write very well. Hence why I keep stealing their ideas and posting my thoughts on them.
I know it’s rarer than a solar eclipse, but it seems likely that some have managed it; people who married their high school sweetheart, who got it right on the first try, who were seemingly born with enough innate confidence to walk right up to the object of their affection and say, “I think you’re great, would you like to go on a date sometime” and whose confidence was rewarded with a resolute, “Absolutely, I’d love to” and a Happily Ever After. The rest of us would be inclined to murder a couple like this if we ever came across them, but I maintain that they are the ones who are missing out. Everyone should fall for someone who doesn’t love them back at least once.
Right on. I love murder. I hate those couples too. My high school sweetheart tried to beat the shit out of my at a bar and then got 11 guys to drag me outside by my collar until I was saved by police officers. My college sweetheart was in a 4 year relationship and I found out after 9 months of dating her. My first girlfriend post-graduation turned into an emotional whirlwind of tears and jealousy followed by sleeping around. My last girlfriend? Full blown sociopath. Unrequited love? Yeah. I’ve heard of it.
Perhaps you think I’m crazy for suggesting anyone let themselves fall into this pit of despair, that I’m an emotional sadist of the worst variety. But darling reader, I assure you I’m not, because eventually something happens to every single person who loves someone who doesn’t love them back: they manage to stop being in love.
Genius. Now I see where you are going with this: Self-soothing. Getting over someone. You learn all the necessary aspects of dating that you do not see in a movie that isn’t 500 Days of Summer. You teach yourself all of those nasty realities of dating that you can’t read in a Dating For Dummies book.
Unrequited love is messy. 9 times out of 10 the person in love will do a lot of crying, drinking and complaining for months. Then something magical happens. You fall out of love. All of a sudden food tastes better and you can listen to The Cure without needing a tissue. This is when a “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger” kind of happiness takes over your endorphins and all you want to do is have fun and meet someone new. It’s the strangest process.
Now I see the reasoning behind someone suggesting such a sadistic, humbling and humiliating strategy for dating. You learn. The hard way, but you learn nonetheless. You learn that love cannot be drilled into someone’s head. You learn that you can’t talk someone into loving you. You learn that pain is temporary and only through trial can one persevere. You went from a hopeless and helpless pit of despair (because the thing you wanted most in the world was impossible to have) to a chipper optimist. How many times can a person say that in their lifetime? And just because one person doesn’t love you, does not mean that you aren’t loved by tons of other people. Usually those people who love you will make themselves apparent in your life at that perfect moment to let you know that they still love you. They will even love you until you learn to love yourself. Now, you have built a foundation full of self-worth and confidence for your next relationship. Way to go, friend.
Wow. I actually really liked this. It was not creepy at all. I hope you learned that if you have ever suffered from this blessing that you mended your own heart, you got over it and you are stronger for it.