I found yet another list on the internet from our friends at The Thought Catalog. Someone found it interesting enough to repost onto Facebook and thus it ends up on my blog. Here are 24 Rules For Being a Gentleman.
Beware, this is from a lady writer, so take her advice with a grain of salt. Why would I preface the article like that? Simply because a lady can’t tell a man how to be a man and a man can’t tell a woman how to be a woman. It just does not work. So I will break down her list and see where it takes us. Hopefully there are less typos than the first paragraph of her explaining why we should go back to Paul Newman times.
This is a liberal woman’s list for what a gentleman does or should do. I will either be expanding on it or trashing it because some of this stuff is ridiculous. I understand that it’s like an “up to date” list on what a gentleman should do in the year 2014 but still, the idea of a gentleman must have been lost in translation to females years ago because this dizzy broad is merely projecting her image of a great guy into what a gentleman is.
I will also be paraphrasing her list but click the link above if you think I am lying at any point or you wish to see her reasoning behind some of these silly suggestions.
- Have a signature drink that you can make at home- So a gentleman must drink? That seems odd. It says “order with effortless swag” at a bar. I don’t know about you but I feel like a gentleman has class, not swag.
- No Twitter or Facebook flame wars- This seems obvious. Gentlemen do not air out their dirty laundry on social media. The passive-aggressive posts, however are right up his alley. A gentleman definitely takes his advice from Carly Simon songs.
- Hold doors open- This is always the first thing on a person’s mind when you talk chivalry or being a gentlemen. I was speaking with a woman earlier and it was the first thing she said. I was surprised when she said that people still do not do this….
- Always text back promptly- This is where you know a female wrote this. A gentleman doesn’t have important conversations via text. Email or phone calls are his wheelhouse and he sticks to it.
- Own and “rock” at least one suit- Again, a poor choice of words because a gentleman does not “rock” clothes. He wears them. However, I do agree that a gentleman must have a fitted suit. Get that shit tailored, man. Also, do not rip on 4chan’s looks, lady. I’m on 4chan and I can “rock” a suit on a Ryan Gosling level.
- Master a good handshake- This should be #1 on the list. A man, any man must need a firm handshake. Job interviews, meeting the father of a female, the guy friends of a female, etc. Give a tight squeeze and let them know that your hands can be a weapon. Again, a woman tells you not to crush a hand. Crush every hand, good sir. Crush them all.
- Never attempt to explain why a “cat call” is a compliment- Well, I do think that a gentleman should never cat call. However, ugly girls do not get cat called and I have explained why it can be a compliment. Though I do not support cat calling so I think this one is silly.
- Do not be afraid to accessorize- If you do not wear a watch, then you are already slacking but don’t be afraid to get some other accessories as well. It can really compliment an outfit and girls will applaud your bravery because your friends will call you a fag for wearing a scarf. Trust me.
- Do not refer to things as “gay” except for gay human beings- I understand why this is politically taboo but can you meet me half way and accept that “gay” also means something totally different? See the video below for further details. She calls the people who call things “Gay” the “Raisins in the trail mix of life” and I happen to like raisins so that analogy is lost on me.
- Do not put people down- Disagree. Disagree. Disagree. Putting people down is hilarious. She resorts to the “You’re a frat boy if you do” card which is the go-to move of anyone trying to make a man change. Simply put, do not be a frat boy. I’m not saying pick on the weak, but pointing out when someone is being dumb is what is going to slowly (but surely) make this society more tolerable. I’m convinced it’s the only way.
- Call your mother- No.
- Learn to cook a few meals- I see where she is going with this. She doesn’t want to cook, so a gentleman will do it for her. Whatever, I have cooked for my ladies in the past. I see the benefit in doing this and you should too.
- Make eye contact- Always, fellas. Always make eye contact. Looking down makes you look weak. Looking away makes you look guilty. Always maintain eye contact, except when eating a banana. That’s the line.
- Don’t corner people at parties with your political views- Yes. Agreed. However, I don’t want anyone doing this like ever. Have you ever heard a feminist rant about how there aren’t enough powerful women characters in first person shooter video games? Yeah. It’s fucking mind numbing. Ever hear a crunchy hippie rattle off stats about how weed is less harmful than alcohol? It makes me want to hang myself with barbed wire over a tire fire.
- Erase the word “slut” from your vocabulary- LOL women…What if she is being a slut? Then what, miss? A gentlemen also tells the truth so if he calls you a slut, he is not being a jerk…you’re being a slut.
- Treat every woman with the same respect you would have for your mother- Understandable. A gentleman should treat everyone with respect until they show their true colors. The people who do not deserve your respect will lose it within minutes. I can promise you this.
- RSVP- Agreed. A gentleman doesn’t crash parties. A gentleman only goes where he is welcome. A gentleman also lets the host he is coming and if he is allowed to bring people, he will make sure it is okay and let the host know ahead of time.
- Always put a little money away- A gentleman doesn’t need to save money to be a gentleman? This is a peculiar one. A gentleman shouldn’t have to live paycheck to paycheck but if he does have to, so be it. A gentleman is made with his personality, not his wallet.
- Always be up front about your financial situation- Oh so a gentleman shouldn’t lie to fool gold diggers? I’ve been fucking this one up for a while. She says that a gentleman doesn’t have to pay for everything and this is true. A gentleman knows this, yet a gentleman pays anyway.
- Do not sleep with someone who wants a relationship from you- Yes, a gentleman does not need to lie to get sex. A true gentleman usually has sex being thrown at him from all angles but he also is very honest with his partners about his convictions, wants and needs so there are no hurt feelings when sleeping with a gentleman.
- Learn to dance- A gentleman definitely doesn’t dance. This is stupid. A gentleman is busy closing a deal or impressing someone with a well told story not doing the running man in a $2,000 suit. That’s ludicrous.
- Learn to appreciate the value of unexpected flowers- If you are a man and you do not know about the random act of kindness to your girl card, then you are just a silly boy and not a man at all. Gentlemen go above and beyond flowers. Get on our level and get creative.
- Don’t be disdainful of selfies- A gentleman doesn’t need to take a picture of himself because people will take pictures of him. However, I am in defense of anyone who defends the selfie. I’m a big fan.
- Be empathetic and compassionate- Chalk this up to a woman writing, again. A gentleman handles his problems. He does not need to handle yours on top of his, but he does anyway. He is there when you need him and then he goes where he is needed next. A gentleman handles his problems like a janitor. He cleans up. End of story.
Alright, that Louis CK video is in defense of the word “faggot” when not used for gay people. I am a big proponent of this because I find the word faggot hilarious. Again, I would never call an actual gay person a faggot because that’s mean. However, my friends will be called a faggot when they act like a faggot. You see the difference?
I’m glad I keep finding articles like this because I am such a big fan of trying to get people to be gentlemen. I was also told that I should come out with a similar list for ladies but I’m not sure I want to be that hypocritical yet. On the other hand, I think more females read this blog then males so it might be more beneficial. Whatever…c’est la vie.