This article came across my news feed the other day. Zach Hunter was called a “modern-day hero” by CNN when he was only a teenager. Already I am furious at this person because my “Z” key on my computer has been busted for months since my dog jumped on it and I have to use it to type this self-serving fartsniffer’s name a bunch of times.
I know I’ll probably be called a “hater” because what else do you call someone who disagrees with you? People used to think they were bad at things. Now they dismiss their critics by saying “Haters gonna hate” and they walk away proud instead of embarrassed. To me, Hunter did nothing.
I know many of you do not know who he is, so we will get into all of this after the jump…
Born in 1991, Zach Hunter is an abolitionist. Yes. You read that right. Hunter began trying to end slavery 126 years after it was abolished. You see how this is dumb, right?
He says that there are 27 million slaves in the world and that made him have some sort of feelings and this is why he became an activist. Rather then doing something over seas, he rounded up a bunch of his white friends and gave them yellow cups. Next, they started collecting spare change in these yellow cups so they can give them to another organization so they can do all of the heavy lifting. That apparently puts you in the hero category with Mother Theresa, Gandhi and Batman.
Then Hunter went and stepped on my toes by covering the topic of Chivalry. I should be happy due to the fact that someone else is actually spreading the good word of personal honor codes. However, I am not happy. I am not happy one bit. Why? Because he looks like he sets fires to small animals in the picture above. Also, his message is unclear due to how obsessed he is with himself.
Here is a quote:
Hunter: I think a lot of people have this concept that chivalry is a bunch of outmoded rules for romantic relationships. My definition of chivalry is not gender-specific or male-dominated–though I understand the historical context. I believe anyone can choose to be chivalrous. It’s not about rules or regulations; it’s about internal transformation. Chivalry is a lifestyle of civility and kindness. None of us is perfect, but I think that we can transcend our selfishness to a certain extent and live in a counter-cultural manner. I don’t have this figured out, but that’s a big part of my thinking on chivalry–it is a journey–I will likely be learning my whole life how to be kinder, have more integrity, and act with civility in difficult situations.
Glad to know you do not have this figured out yet because that made zero sense on the sense scale.
I’m not one to harp on grammar, but come on. How does a modern-day hero with 4 books on the market sound like a window-licking short bus rider?
Outmoded? Do you mean “Outdated?” Outmoded means old-fashioned, and I think medieval times is a little before “old fashioned” in the timeline of earth. What came first? Don Draper and Mad Men or dragon slaying and armored knights? My grandpa was old fashioned. Joan of Ark, Sir Arthur and Merlin are outdated.
Also, what in the hell is “counter-culture?” Well, I know what it means historically (to take a page out of Hunter’s book) Back in the 60’s it was the Hell’s Angels or Hippies then it transcended into some sort of grunge/punk-rock and now I feel like it is a slimy Hipster douche or some rapper with his pants under his butt cheeks. Is this what you want, Zach? You think this is a game? Those people are less than honorable by far. Don’t believe me? Start shooting your AR15 at a party and watch all the rap dudes and hipsters use their girlfriends like Captain America’s shield.
Counter culture can be tricky. Sometimes they get it right and other times they get it awfully wrong. In today’s society I feel like “culture” is being courteous and counter-culture is being gangster or a too-cool-for-school alternative douche. So that was like total word vomit from Hunter, in my eyes.
In the next part of the interview he compares his life to that of a knight of the round table and I started clawing out my eyes so I’m just going to skip that part so my wounds can heal. He’s 22 and he has never had to join the army because his landlord said so. Ugh, I hate white people.
In the next question his answer was about how self-control and selflessness are not very evident in today’s youth. He explains how self-control is not about what you cannot do but rather what you should do. Meanwhile, I think that is totally the opposite definition of self-control. The antonym of self-control, if you will.
Self-control is not about deciding what you should do or how you should act it is about telling yourself no when it is extremely hard or what feels like impossible to do so. He uses the analogy of a baseball player focusing on hitting the ball rather than striking out and if we think of self-control like that then it will not be so counter productive. That is a solid point…but….
I can make ridiculous analogies to support my crazy arguments too. Watch: Self-control is focusing on what not to do when you really want to do something. It’s kind of like a football player trying not to fumble the ball when linebackers are punching him in the dick and all he wants to do is give up the ball and make the pain stop. BUT HE DOESN’T and THAT is self-control. BOOM!
See? It’s really easy to create insane things to support arguments. Not to mention that he completely avoided the question. You know what? I’ll tell Jonathan Merritt that it is very hard for the generic youth to practice self-control or selflessness because everyone is taught to get their piece of the pie and not share it with the other snot-nosed brats right from the get go. Why? Because there is no reward for chivalry. There is having cake or eating cake. There is no third part to that old adage. No one is teaching kids how rewarding it is to do service or help someone by giving them cake too. We only have self-serving attention seekers like Hunter collecting change in Colorado or Washington State and pretending he is making a difference about the slave trade in Sri Lanka. All he does is to make himself feel better and garnish attention, not actually save the slaves. He’s not the white Harriet Tubman.
In his next question Hunter let’s the interviewer know that he isn’t trying to change history. It’s a good thing he let us know that otherwise I totally would have thought that. Hunter goes on to tell us the 10 points to the code of chivalry from a day since lost:
- I Will Not Go on This Journey Alone.
- I Will Never Attack from Behind.
- I Will Practice Self-Control and Selflessness.
- I Will Respect Life and Freedom.
- I Will Fight Only for the Sake of Those Who Are Unable to Defend Themselves, or in the Defense of Justice.
- I Will Honor Truth and Always Keep My Promises.
- I Will Fear No Evil.
- I Will Always Follow the Law Unless It Goes against What Is Moral and Good.
- I Will Live and Die with Honor.
- I Will Never Abandon My Quest.
After staring at that list for a while, I realized there is no mention of the church or God or land barons or any of that stuff. What textbook is this from? Did the knights of the round table revise their code without telling me? Maybe I stopped receiving emails from the Sir Conference of Circumference. Who knows?
Also, the part about not obeying laws when it goes against one’s personal moral code…uhhhh Hero-boy, you might want to leave that part out because I can point you to a fella down south who thinks being gay is immoral and the only thing stopping him is the prison sentence. So let’s not give Dale from Arkansas any further moral ammunition because he’s been stockpiling real ammunition for a gene pool cleanse since he was thirteen.
Well, my fingers are numb from mashing at my keyboard trying to make sense of this kissless-virgin’s feelings. Did I mention that his book has a YouTube trailer? Yeah. I’ve never seen that either. Maybe one day this kid will understand that he isn’t a modern-day Buddha, however I think today isn’t that day and it is safe to say tomorrow isn’t either.
On the bright side, if you take his message and run with it…well…then society might not be as bad as it is today. He is just awful at expressing himself and he isn’t me. So there’s two strikes against his gangly ass.