Rod Serling: You unlock a door with the key of addiction. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of mind. A dimension of body. A dimension of spirituality. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You have just crossed over into THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
Rod Serling: There is a fifth dimension. One that is known to some men yet totally unrecognizable to others. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition and it lies in the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of addiction and Woodrow J.D. Pennyteller is about to experience this in ways he never thought possible for a 27-year-old man.
Mother: Woodrow? Woodrow! What are you doing? Woodrow it is almost noon, why aren’t you up?
(Woodrow, still in bed, checks his watch and stretches. His mother enters the room)
Mother: Woodrow were you up late writing again? Oh my word, you were drinking alone again. You better cut this out or you will end up like your grandfather! Your girlfriend called she was worried about you.
Mother: You smell like a brewery. Why do you have to drink so much to write? If you need booze to be a good writer, you aren’t a very good writer! You should be concentrating on your job! They have advancement. You just need to work hard.
Woodrow: Ma, I don’t have a problem. I wasn’t drinking alone. I went out with Bill, Anthony and Mikey; it was ladies’ night…until they left me with Johnny, Dave and Scooter. I’m 27 years old, at least I’m not 30. This is the supposed to be the best time of my life. I must have fun with my friends before I settle down with a wife and kids or I’ll have no stories to tell my grandchildren! Besides, I’m not as bad as Johnny or Dave. You should see those fellas drink! They scare away all the dames. If I get as bad as those guys, I’ll quit.
Mother: Well, I don’t like you hanging out with John and David! And Scooter! I heard he sells marijuana cigarettes! You’re a good boy with a degree from the university! Why are you wasting your time with this writing? And don’t give me that “I’m 27 years old” malarkey! When you were 18 it was because you were never going to see your high school friends again. When you were 22 you were never going to see your college friends again. When you were 25 you were hanging out with college friends and high school friends! Now you’re closer to 30 than 18 and you have no plans! Get your tail in gear, mister! When are you going to propose to Mary-Jo?!
Woodrow: I don’t even hang out with Johnny, Dave and Scooter. I hate those guys! You can’t stifle my creativity, Ma! I’m out of here! I don’t need this! You know nothing about me! I have a job and a degree and friends! Mary-Jo just has to wait. How can I be an alcoholic? One day, I’m going to be famous! Girls like me and I dress nice! Plus, I only go out to meet girls and socialize! I can quit any time that I want! You’ll see!
Mother: Well, honey when do you want to quit?! Woodrow! Woody!
Woodrow (talking to himself): What does that dizzy broad know? I’m going to the bar! Boy, Mary-Jo is probably sore with me. I should call her. Ah, forget it. I’ll do it after I get some liquid courage in me.
Rod Serling: Woodrow J.D. Pennyteller is a walking time bomb. He’s trying to be a “somebody” but his idea of somebody is “anybody.” When you try to be anybody, you end up being a “nobody” because being like everybody is the same as being nobody. Woodrow J.D. Pennyteller is about to find out that there is nothing in the dark that isn’t there when the lights are on.
Bartender: What will it be, Mack?
Woodrow: I’ll take straight bourbon. Neat. Make it a double, will ya? I’m having a rough day plus I don’t feel like drinking. Have you seen Scooter, I need something to wake me up so I can drink.
Bartender: Yeah, sure. He’s in the back shooting pool. (serves drink)
(Woodrow walks over to Scooter. Scooter sinks the 8 ball.)
Woodrow: Hey Scooter, I’m having a bad day. Do you have any cocaine?
(Woodrow hands over money. Scooter completes the transaction.)
Scooter: Sure man, here you go.
Woodrow: And hey, do you have a Xanax? I’m going to need to come down later. I have work in the morning. It is Wednesday haha.
Scooter: You got it, Woody. Johnny and Dave are coming by. Stick around.
(Scooter hands over pills)
Woodrow: Alright cool, man. Does this bathroom have a lock on the door?
Rod Serling: Man has a palpable need to dislike someone other than himself. He has a need to numb feelings and emotions. However, you must take the good with the bad. You can’t pick and choose which feelings to numb. Eventually, you walk around like a ghost. A ghost that people refuse to acknowledge. Woodrow J.D. Pennyteller is quickly becoming irrelevant before he ever became relevant.
Girl 1: So what do you do?
Woodrow (talking way too fast): What do I do? I’m a writer and I have a degree in Lit from the University but I work an office job on 52nd and 2nd. But that’s boring. What do you do? I bet you’re a teacher. Are you a teacher? Better yet, what are your favorite speed metal bands? Mine is Rush and Megadeath. They don’t play slow. Which bear is best? The answer is Brown. How would you rather die? Fire or drowning?
Girl 1: Okay…I have to go. You work for my dad. I’m telling him that he hires bloody-nosed weirdos that talk fast and to fire you!
Woodrow: Go? Go where? Go home? Home is for losers. You’re not a loser are you? Where’s Johnny and Dave. I need a drink. Bartender, can I have a drink? Whiskey, neat. Make it a double. I need to calm down. Can I borrow your phone, Mary-Jo is probably steamed like a lobster!
Bartender: Listen, bub. You’ve had enough. Your friends told me to cut you off because they are worried about you.
Woodrow: Those aren’t my friends. Bill, Mikey and Anthony? Those guys are squares. My friends are Johnny, Dave and Scooter. Yeah. Scooter is my best friend. Listen to that guy. That guy is a genius. He has the best ideas.
Scooter: I got an idea, Woody. Let’s do more cocaine. You have any cash left?
Woody: Great idea, Scoots. Scoots McGoots. My man with a plan. My man, I’ll give you 2 grand. My man, pots and pans. Scooooooooots. Scoots McGoots let’s do some shots, buddy old pal of mine!
Bill: Hey, Woody man. I don’t think we should hang out anymore. You’re drunk all of the time. Even on weekdays. You need to choose, us or the booze.
Woody: Make me choose? What the hell, man? I thought you were my friend.
Anthony: Hey man, partying is the bee’s knees and all but it has to be done in moderation. I wanted you to know that Mary-Jo and I have started talking and we fell in love.
Woody: Moderation? What is that? That sounds like a robot language. Are you guys robots? Why is a robot trying to steal my girlfriend?
Mikey: Yeah, pal. I think you have been hanging out with Scooter too much. We can’t be around that junk. It’s for squares. We’re going to head to the Soc-Hop.
Woody: Soc-Hop? There’s no alcohol there. It’s run by the church. Sounds lame.
(Bill, Mikey and Anthony leave bar)
Dave: Don’t worry, Woody. You can hang out with us, man. You ever try heroin?
Johnny: Yeah Woody, don’t worry buddy. You have us. Want to help us knock over the liquor store? Armed robbery is the cat’s pajamas!
Woody: I guess. Are there any girls to hang out with?
Scooter: Only girls selling their ass for drugs. Don’t worry. You get used to it….
Woodrow: Whatever, let’s not stop partying until we’re homeless.
Bartender: Alright, you hoodlums need to take a hike! Get outta here!
(Scooter throws a Molotov cocktail. The 3 fellas run away being chased by sirens)
(Woodrow is caught by the police and beaten with clubs)
Rod Serling: Woodrow J.D. Pennyteller was an average man. 27 years old and very ambitious. He craved socialization and attention more than any drug but little did he know the two went hand in hand. The irony of socializing by using drugs and alcohol is that eventually you end up losing everything around you. Your moral compass is skewed and you become everything you despised. Self loathing becomes your biggest fear. The drugs become a vicious cycle due to that palpable need to hate something other than yourself and Mr. Pennyteller found that out the hard way in THE TWILIGHT ZONE