Nice guys finish last and any girl who says differently is a lying trollop. The post should really end right there, but this is a topic that I have a fiery passion for. The biggest problem with nice guys is that they think that girls want an asshole. Girls want a nice guy like they want a funny guy. They actually want a nice and funny lawyer. They don’t want a nice and funny struggling writer/comedian. Any girl who says differently hates herself.
I’m not telling you to go out and be a douche bag. Let me preface this post by saying that because I really don’t want anyone twisting my words by saying that you have to go out and be a complete dick head to get women. It really isn’t like that. I am a chivalrous dude. I am a nice guy. I really am. However, being a nice guy and a chivalrous guy are two completely different things.
I also have a dark side. A dark side that many have seen over the years. A dark side that I have been trying to hide but it comes out from time to time and I think the dark side is where girls see me and try to save me.
Snapple Fact #47: Hugh does not need to be fucking saved.
I also think that I come across as busy or like girls can’t have me. Maybe because I am borderline gay? Who knows. I wear scarves. Fight me in real life, pussy. I think that nice guys finish last because they want it that way. They accept their fate. They take what they can get. They want it that way because they are some sort of masochistic crazy people.
Being nice hasn’t gotten me anywhere, however being an alter ego of cockiness, comedy and assertiveness has gotten me wonders. It is when I act like the edgy dude who is too cool for school that women must feel like they need my approval. There, in that statement, lies the misunderstanding that nice guys have. It’s not that girls don’t like nice guys. They know they can have you. They know you are there and are not going anywhere.
This is a one sided conversation a woman would have with herself at a bar:
“Yeah, he’s great and all but why isn’t that guy in the corner paying attention to me? Maybe after I get his attention and affection then, I’ll go back to my nice guy at home. I need to see why this guy won’t validate me. I have my ‘fuck me pumps’ on and this low cut little black dress yet he still won’t look at me. He must have a girlfriend. I need to find out.”
That is where men get confused as to what a nice guy is. A nice guy is way too compliant. The nice guy will say, “Yeah go ahead and talk to him. I’ll be here! LOL jk. But really I’ll be here.” A nice guy is a community college, a safety school. She’s going to apply to Towson and Loyola and if she doesn’t get in, she’ll come back to Nassau Community College and then transfer in 2 years. See what I mean? You will never have her except for a brief period of time until she’s ready for an upgrade.
Too quick to ask “How high?” when she says “Jump, bitch.” the nice guy has zero control of his own life. He is living his life on her terms. She likes to go wake boarding in January or fuck her man with a strap on dildo? ME TOO!!! ZOMG!!1!! See what I’m saying? That’s a nice guy. Spine like a jellyfish and getting tact from him is like getting blood from a stone.
The nice guy is respectful to women, yes but women want a great guy. They want a leader. Basic evolutionary stuff here, fellas. They want the alpha male not some beta, mindless drone. A nice guy is a beggar and beggars can’t be choosers. Nice guys just guilt trip their way into relationships like some sort of manipulating weasel. Nice guys are desperate. Women can smell desperate.
Kill me if I become the nice guy.
I am in no way a great guy. This is why all of my relationships have failed miserably. A great guy has his life together. He has convictions and responsibility. That’s why the guy isn’t paying attention to her. He gets one day off of work in a week and is hanging out with the bros. Not because he drives a motorcycle and smokes Marlboro Reds. He doesn’t go up to a girl and says “What’s up you ugly skunk. Sleep with me.” and it just fucking happens. That doesn’t exist. It’s not reality. On a side note, I was typing “skank” but autocorrect wrote skunk and I think that’s better.
Girls want a great guy. An interesting guy. A guy with hobbies and passion. Not someone who is going to start liking their favorite show just to be closer to them. If you are just being a yes-machine then that tells a woman that you do not have enough self-respect to stand up for yourself, to advocate for yourself. How are you supposed to stand up for her if you don’t stand up for yourself? If you are just running to the store to buy her tampons without a fight, then she thinks you’re soft, homeboy. Plain and simple. When you start being a door mat, you stop being a priority.
Tips on how to start becoming a great guy:
- Say “Hey, let’s hang out Thursday.” not “When can I see you next?” And if she says she is busy, forget her. Let her reach out to you next time. If she doesn’t, she wasn’t yours. Don’t just “Okay, hang out with me when you are ready.” You fucking door mat faggot.
- Live your life with some conviction and self-respect. Confidence is key.
- If you’re nice, be nice. Don’t change your game and pander to the woman you want. Embrace the nice boy inside of you. (Editor’s Note: Wow that sounds gay) Girls can smell the fake tough guy vibe when you start acting like a douche bag because your friend told you to do that.
- Don’t shoot out of your league. Part of having confidence and self-respect is self-honesty and knowing exactly where you are at.
- Ever give a girl your cell phone and make her put her number in it? That shit is boss. It takes guts, then you can call her right fucking there and it eliminates the fake number scheme. If she gives you a fake number, hold your head up high and bounce. She wasn’t yours. At least you have a funny story about how you outsmarted someone.
- Stand up for yourself. Political debate? Fucking shame her with brilliance. Don’t back down and become a sissy liberal because she is.
- First impressions, bro. First impressions are key. Girls want to fuck, marry or kill you in the first five seconds of meeting you. If you start out acting like a dick or a sissy,then she will think of you as a sissy dick for a long while after, even if you change.
- Ask questions that women ask. “Are your parents still together?” “How was your childhood?” Stuff like that. Save yourself some time and she might be impressed at how original you are. There other questions besides “What do you do?”
- Get coaching from your friends who are great with women. Not married guys, by the way. They are terrible with women.
- Read some shit. Read my blog. Askmen.com is another good one. Figure out some game. That is all.