Since the invention of Internet Dating, I have basically tried every site ever. I don’t feel like explaining myself but I was being a tad hyperbolic. I’m going to review a bunch of different sites on what worked, what was creepy, what was shitty and etc.
That wasn’t much of an introduction but I think it made my point.
House of Pain- JUMP around.
(Editor’s Note: Post edited on 1/4/2013. Added information on AFF and OKCupid)
Match and eHarmony- I haven’t tried these but I heard this is where you actually find relationships. You have to pay money, usually which always sucks but if you are desperate…it might be your best bet. That was always the deciding factor on why I did not use these. I don’t have much of a problem finding women to pursue so paying for something to do that for me seems silly.
My suggestion: Talk to someone else.
PlentyofFish- This site is a “use at your own risk” type of deal. I have had one night stands, meaningful relationships, stalkers, awkward conversations, rejection and flattery. The good part is that it is free. The bad part is that means it doesn’t filter out the circus acts and the girls who are just on there to see who else is on there. It doesn’t filter out the girls who are on there just to receive compliments and to judge people. It also has tons of old profiles that are never checked. Stuff like that. However, there has been some good from this site. I have met some great women on there too. So, take the good with the bad.
My suggestion: Make a serious profile. Check it when you get a bite. Otherwise, set it and forget it. I get emails sent to me and notifications on my phone when someone “wants to meet me” and then I’ll check their profile and message them if interested. Sounds easy right? Why aren’t you doing that, Desperate Danny?
OKcupid- In the comments section of this post someone called me out on knowing nothing about OKcupid which is great because it was the one site that I really didn’t research. Apparently it doesn’t cost anything to communicate with people and you only need to pay if you want to upgrade. This would make me want to put it with Plenty Of Fish and not Match or eHarmony. You can see his comment at the bottom and he recommends it.
My suggestion: Try it out. I eventually will.
How About We- I saw this app on my iPhone so I checked it out. It seems like one of the coolest things possible for a spontaneous person. However, I never gave it a proper try. Partly because I have to pay to “unlock my inbox.” So there are 5 women that think I am a black-hearted, handsome boy. The idea is to make a profile and describe a date that you would want to go on. Someone will take you up on your offer if they want to go on that date with you or you will die alone. I think this is a really cool way to meet someone however, I can see it happening never or it turning into a sexy murder.
My suggestion: Only the spontaneous with a credit card need apply.
Tinder/Swoon- I am completely torn about these apps. On one hand, they seem like they are direct and to the point. You simply look at someone and decide if they are hot or not. This is horribly judgmental, but it can save a lot of time. You are only allowed to talk to someone who has considered you hot and you in turn considered them hot. It’s pretty genius actually. Now, I have tried them both and there is no difference. It has sparked some conversations but never anything more. I think people are on there just to judge people when they are bored.
My suggestion: If you like to judge people, do it. If you aren’t picky, you might even get your confidence up. Otherwise, saddle up that high horse and waste some time.
Zoosk- This website is stupid. They pride themselves on having superior technology for matching people. I have literally never met anyone from being “matched” with them. It usually happens when I’m just browsing random profiles and then we connect on a more personal level. I don’t see how they are any different from the top-notch sites I mentioned above.
My suggestion: Stay away from this piece of crap site.
Facebook/Twitter: This used to be a good way to meet people. Now, it’s just all meme pictures, inspirational quotes and status updates about someone’s day being shitty. Basically one big Garfield cartoon. If you private message a girl who has no interest in you, you will be considered “a creeper” and will be banished from society on a horse with no name. If you write on their wall that you are interested, well now everyone knows you are a creeper and you might as well become a clown who throws pies in his own face.
My suggestion: Facebook is for casual flirting with people you already know. You will be judged by the masses accordingly. Go for a private message and even your best friend and dog will cringe at the desperation stink you give off.
JDate, ChristianMingle, BlackPeopleMeet, etc- I am none of those things and therefore haven’t joined them. I think this will limit your selection, but it’s always great if your parents are racist or you’re trying to keep the bloodline pure.
My suggestion: Ask someone else.
Adult Friend Finder: This website is supposed to be all killer and no filler. You just have sex. There is a ton of kinky search filters you can choose from. Want a 36 year old widower that’s 5 miles from your house who is into ass play? You have the right place, sir. Though, I don’t know why knowing her soul mate is dead is a turn on for you but it is there. I tried this once upon a time with a girlfriend looking for a compatible female threesome partner. We didn’t have much luck but we did receive tons of hits.
My suggestion: Be prepared for freak shows. It’s mostly dudes, so you won’t get responses from women only. Most of the responses we received were from couples looking to swap partners, so if you’re into the Will Smith/Jada Pinkett marriage…by all means go for it.
Okay, I think that was semi-productive. I did it to the best of my knowledge. I really don’t like internet dating because you can spend your entire day with your face in your phone and miss the girl of your dreams walk by. I really prefer meeting someone in person and having the opportunity to talk to them for a bit. This is also why I never picked girls up at clubs. I always liked the sports bar atmosphere because I can get a chance to talk to them, rather than grind on them with my pelvis to some loud spaceman music.