I was talking about past relationships with a girl who is much more profound than she gives herself credit for. We were talking of heartbreak and love lost and all the deep stuff that I like thinking about. I spend way too much time thinking about male/female dynamics. Another friend let me know that it will eventually make me crazy and she is right. It can make one crazy and maybe that was why I was experiencing writer’s block during the holidays.
Then I came across an adorable blog that Brad Pitt wrote about Angelina Jolie (Which turned out to be fake, of course). I mean, celebrities can’t be that cute can they? The world’s color became a little duller after I found out that this article was false. Food hasn’t tasted as good since…
Article and debauchery after the jump.
However, the letter was confirmed that someone did write it for someone else. So there is a vomit inducing cute couple in the world. It’s just not Brad Pitt.
“My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children.
She has lost 30 pounds and weighed about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs.
She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up.
Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role.
I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon…But then I decided to act on it.
After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth.
She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her shoulders.
I began to pamper her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised her and pleased her every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends.
You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much. And then I realized one thing: The woman is the reflection of her man. If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.”
– Brad Pitt
This open letter really made my brain cogs start spinning like a well-oiled assembly line made up of Malaysian infants that probably mass-produced your Christmas presents. That was a long analogy…
Upon reading it the first time, this letter stinks of co-dependency and over-loving. The last line makes my face twist up like I just snorted a line lemon cocaine. “If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.” That contradicts the whole “The woman is a reflection of her man.” How does that work, you say? Well, for starters if you are some kind of sycophant who is smothering your mate with maddening love then if your girl will be a reflection of you, she will also be a ratchet weirdo with attachment issues.
I like the “reflection” statement but the madness statement seemed like they were trying to too hard to say something awesome when in reality that was just slimy filler. The reflection statement is true. If you are nothing but inspiring and loving then I honestly believe you will be inspired and loved. Love is like a bank account. You can only withdraw what you deposit.
I’m paraphrasing here but codependency is defined as someone who has the need to control or be controlled by their spouse (or their job, drugs, kids, friends etc.). Typically, signs of codependency are denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance or control issues. For years, these relationships have seemed pretty healthy. Our parents would think Codependency is a rap group.
You know the kind of relationship I am talking about. The kind where one person in the relationship gets walked all over like a bad hand in cards and folds like a door mat over everything the other says. Wait… More on this in a bit.
According to Wikipedia, I am a codependent magnet due to my narcissism, so I will be speaking from experience on this one. Apparently narcissists find themselves amazing and create a false reality and they need to find people to buy into this reality. Who better than some shallow voiced, weak-willed woman who will give me the shirt off of her back in the freezing cold so my beers won’t get icy? How can a relationship like that be unhealthy? The only thing that could be better if she also can take a punch.
The codependent person will always be playing the victim or martyr. They will go without so you can have something. They love to feel needed, however this is not as awesome as it seems. They will constantly throw this in your face and make you feel like you owe them something when in reality, you haven’t asked them for a damn thing.
In relationships there is usually a “Sherlock” and there is a “Watson.” The Sherlock has a constant need to feel special or crave attention or to be validated while Watson has a great need to make people feel special.
That is all well and good, but you didn’t come here for a lecture on the psychoanalysis of relationships. Right? Or maybe you did. Who the fuck knows, you’re weird.
Too many times I see a relationship where someone (usually the better of the two) is completely miserable by the actions of their partner. How does this happen? I mostly see it when one person is usually very good at sharing feelings and the other is awful. The codependent person will not share how they feel in fear they will anger their spouse. They have been manipulated into thinking they should fear the person they love. How awful is that? But it happens.
Now, the key to fixing a codependency problem is in the recognition. You have to recognize that someone is acting like a crazy person. You have to not fight about them being a crazy person. This is dangerous because they will get defensive. You have to communicate openly while showing respect for another person’s unpredictable thoughts, feelings and emotions. Eventually, if you can’t see eye to eye, you may have to compromise. Then if things are still terrible, you have to take an unbiased look at your relationship with that person and decide if you still want to be involved with the crazy person.
Well, actually, the first question you need to ask yourself during any argument is “Do I even care?” If the answer is no, get out of the relationship. Stop wasting each other’s time and give the person you are with the courtesy of freedom. If you do care then you need to fix things. Keep it firm but fair. Mills Lane style.
The biggest problem I can see in someone’s future is going from completely codependent to overly aggressive. Again, moderation is the key. Something I know nothing about. My guess is that you must advocate for yourself, telling your partner how you feel if you are feeling a certain kind of way but also being a caring, loving person who takes their feelings into consideration.
After re-reading all of that, it seems next to impossible. Good fucking luck. After one is codependent they must relearn how to be independent and that, my friends, is one of the hardest things one will ever have to do.