I recently came across this article and all of these girls’ faces. Get it? Like semen. On their faces? Ah, you get it! Well anyway, I guess a lot of my Facebook friends are on a big “love” kick as well because I have been reading tons of cool articles that I haven’t had to go out and find. This one in particular has grabbed my interest because it’s about old-fashioned dating sentiments which I am a big fan of. It also goes great with the Chivalry piece I wrote.
However, society has changed. You cannot continue to perform outdated practices because sometimes they are viewed as creepy or weird. People will say you have “an old soul” and all that jazz (Editor’s Note: I’m trying to bring this phrase back). I won’t disagree or agree with this article as a whole but I will break down what they are suggesting and see where we can go with it. I do agree with some of these things and disagree with others. This isn’t like the trilogy posts because those were just silly articles written by dumb people. This one seems well thought out AND I don’t have to click 25-50 times to get through the fucking list. I want to scissor kick the person who created that shit.
More after the jump:
I’m tired and watching Oblivion with Tom Cruise and Nelson Mandela so I’m just going to do a list. No more set up. Let’s get right down to business, bitches.
1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.
I understand why this is a classy move. Trust me, I do. However, it just doesn’t seem realistic anymore. 9 times out of 10 the female does not want you to do this. Reasons being…If she lives at home, she doesn’t want to prematurely introduce you to her parents. If she lives alone, she might have a weird roommate or doesn’t feel like cleaning her place. All really good reasons in my eyes. No sarcasm at all. I have been in positions where I don’t want to introduce a girl to my parents or clean my room. Who doesn’t?
I know when I was picking a female up for date, they would often tell me, “Text me when you are here.” and I would just follow suit. I don’t ask questions or create issues when there doesn’t need to be one. Most times, I will say “Hey, I’m here. Want me to come in for a minute?” or something like that to give the girl the option of what she wants done. Or really, the illusion that she is making the decision. Really, that means: “I’m being nice and asking you however I want to stay in my car and give myself 15 seconds to decide if I want to take off.”
Also, in the dawn of internet dating most dates are not in the “I’ll pick you up” style because that leads to murder. Bloody, sexy murder.
2. Trying to dress really nice for a date.
See, now this I can get behind. I fully agree. I think everyone should dress nice all of the time. I like Mad Men style shit. Suits and ties. Maybe even wear a nice hat? Girls too, though I think girls usually try do this anyway. They always have a plan. Or a “scheme” as I call it. Dizzy broads. (Editor’s note: Bringing this back too.) I think we should get away from the plain white t-shirts and tank tops on dates. The Jordans and baggy jeans should be stopped. Throw on something with a collar, stop looking like you’re homeless or you fell into the Gap. I hate the “I don’t care about how I look” look.
The article says we don’t need to wear suits but rather try to look good for each other. I’d like to take it a step further and actually dress to impress. I’d wear a tuxedo every night if I could.
3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.
This I totally do not agree with. I feel like dating should not be so rare. I think people should always try to connect. However, for a man, connecting can get costly. If you are constantly searching for the right girl and you are taking them out for dinner and drinks you could be dropping $200 about 10-20 times a year. Of course, that’s if you got it like that, playboy. That can be financially crippling if you are in an entry-level position or trying to start a career. Don’t even think about it if you are in school. Now if you tack on flowers and candy to all of those dates you are going to need a part-time job just to support your dating habit.
This also sets the bar very high, for barely knowing a person. If you are giving flowers on the first date, is she going to expect something bigger on the second date? By date 5 are we expected to propose? I’ve mentioned in previous posts about how women gain a tolerance to being nice. You will have to keep doing bigger and better things to prove your love and affection which is totally not cool. Dating should simply be simple. Besides, what does KISS stand for? Keep it simple, stupid.
Doesn’t this also put more pressure on the female to have sex with a guy? I’ve definitely seen cases where girls felt like they should have sex with a guy because he was super nice and always bought them things. Which in my eyes looks awfully like a whore and a sugar daddy relationship. Or pity sex. I never get pity sex. I like to set the bar very low.
Also, like the writer says, (read as: what I think they mean) this smells of desperation. It shows that you are interested from the first 10 minutes of the date and that can freak a woman out. Plus that would require the man to be vulnerable and throw himself out there. What if there is no date #2? Then the man feels double-dumb. It just doesn’t happen anymore. Sorry, ladies.
4. Going dancing that is not grinding on a grimy dance floor.
Again, I agree with this. Dancing has changed in the last 10-20 years. It’s practically sex with clothes on. Which hurts for us men. I don’t like to dance at bars/clubs. To me, dancing should be intimate, and it is in nature. I like to slow dance, baby. I’m a romantic. Otherwise, you are just shaking your ass and hips with complete strangers and that seems slutty. I’m a proper lady.
I am not quite positive on what they mean though. Like line dancing? Ballroom dancing? Salsa dancing? Like that goofy shit? I think couples start doing that when they get bored with each other. So I am kind of lost on the meaning of this but yeah…stop going to EDM concerts and wearing next to nothing while dancing on dudes sweating on molly. You are going to get ring worm, dammit!
5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”
To me this is semantics. I don’t want to take a stance. I think slang has just changed over the years. I do think all of the different slang terms are stupid. Whether you are “hanging out” or “talking” or “with each other” or “together.” Personally, I use “talking” before we hang out. “Dating” after we hang out a few times. If we decide to become a couple, I will say “exclusive” or “official” so people can tell the difference. I think this is an individual thing that depends on the person’s comfort level or how much they want other people to know.
I do agree with the author when they say that you need to have a conversation with your partner so you both avoid the confusion. That is essential to a relationship. Otherwise, one person will be having crazy amounts of sex while the other is developing monogamous feelings and using tear duct lubrication.
6. Additionally, being clear when you are “going steady.”
I feel like I just talked about this? I do agree with this, but again I think the author is just caught up on slang terms. In today’s dating world I think “going steady” has been sadly replaced by being “Facebook official.” That seems to be when everyone takes a relationship seriously. Yes, that seems corny but is it much better than “pinning” your girl like in the 1950’s? Or having her wear your letterman jacket? It’s all silly horse shit, just get over it. The key is to have that awkward conversation and just get it over with.
7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.
This is more goofy shit that is just considered creepy these days. If you write poetry for a girl she will definitely not date you. This is something that you can try after she’s already yours but not before.
I think it was just a bad example. Doing small, random, cute things for a girl that you are dating is definitely okay. There are tons of things, be creative. For example, bring home her favorite candy when you stop at 711. Surprise her by cooking dinner. Do something else. Stay away from poetry and song writing if you can’t do it otherwise you may have a disaster on your hands. I think that’s how Nickelback started.
8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.
I agree with this, yet I am also guilty of this. I think it has to be a conscious decision by both parties. Some people are definitely not as connected as I am and others are more connected. I’m up on all of the social media and I am always sending pictures of puppies to friends and family. Since I run a blog, have my YouTube channel, and do stand up comedy it is all necessary evils for me to have so I can pursue some of my dreams. However, does that mean I won’t turn off my iPad, Mac Book and iPhone (HAIL STEVE JOBS!) if you ask me? Hell no. Either people do not seem to care about this, or simply, they can’t do it. Either way, I don’t see it happening. Although it is a nice sentiment. Kids today…
9. The general concept for asking permission for things.
I didn’t know this was an issue. I am always saying things like “When can I see you?” or “When is a good time to call you?” I really don’t ever assume that a girl wants me to always be talking to her. I think it is because I have very low self-esteem. Weird, right? However, if this is another person’s opinion on what the right thing to do is then maybe it is the right thing to do?
On the other hand, I think it would be super corny if I said something like “Can I kiss you right now?” A lot of girls don’t like that whiney, self-conscious, low self-esteem guy that doesn’t take charge. Girls tend to like that guy who takes control and takes what they want. Wait, that sounded rapey. Let me rephrase. Girls like a guy who tends to not be awkward. Got it? Good. That could have gotten real dark real quick.
10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.
I’m not sure how I feel about this. It is a weird thing to say. If people connect, they are going to have sex. Expectations are imaginary. Who can ever tell what someones expectations or motives are when people are dishonest? I agree, you shouldn’t expect sex on the first few dates but when is the right time to start expecting sex?
And what does she mean by this? Should I not be prepared for sex? If I started going on dates without my Vicodin, Viagra, Magnum condoms, Lavender massage oils, horny goat weed, pear scented lube and GHB or as I call it “The Party Pack” then how am I supposed to impress?! This is ridiculous!
On a serious note, what if I’m not expecting sex but she is? Then I don’t bring out condoms or something and then sex is not being had. That seems like a Debbie Downer. What is the difference between being prepared for something and expecting something? I think this chick needs to answer my questions. And have sex with me.
Damn, that turned out longer than I thought.