Alright, this will close out our trilogy posting. Post 3 of 3. This was a response article to the last article I wrote about. The contrapositive if you will. This is an article written about things women don’t understand about men. How many times am I going to say “article?” Whoa, we’re getting crazy over here at Operation: Love. I will be able to explain this stuff a little better, you know, being a man myself.
Again, it’s full of stereotypes but just take it with a grain of salt and maybe a xanax.
- Your need to fix everything. (Example: Boss was a jerk, we don’t want a plan to get him fired.)
A guy’s first reaction to a problem is to fix it. Plain and simple. I don’t understand how this is a bad thing? If there is a solution, we will find it. We don’t understand the constant complaining about a situation that can be fixed. It doesn’t make sense to us, however I understand the need to just vent once in a while. As for literal things being broke, well, we usually are trying to save money.
- Oblivious to a single detail. (Example: Friend has a baby, yet men don’t know the name of the baby or even the gender.)
I think this is a tad hyperbolic but we do not sweat the small stuff. The fact is that my friend had a baby. We’ll learn the rest when we have to go over their stupid house and buy them presents. Either that or we don’t care.
- Sleeping through a crying baby.
You admitted that you know we aren’t really sleeping. We are just teaching our child how to self-sooth. There is a method to our madness. Either that, or we don’t care.
- The combover.
I don’t understand this either. I have a nice head of hair and if I was going bald, I would shave the head. Sorry, ladies. Can’t help you here.
- Booby kryptonite. (Quote: “You know who also had boobs? Your mom.)
This is a myth. Cleavage does not distract men nearly as much as pop-culture tells us it does. Plus, in today’s society I haven’t met too many booby-men…Ass-men have taken over. And don’t talk about my mom’s boobs. I used to suck on those things, asshole.
- Not knowing when something is wrong. (Example: When men ask if something is wrong and we say “nothing” we really mean “everything.”)
Okay, this bothers me because women don’t properly show emotions. That’s the beginning. After that, we usually will ask a question. If you respond with “nothing” and we honestly trust you, why would we expect something to be wrong? Think about that, bitches. Either that, or we don’t care.
- Thinking we know where your stuff is. (Example: Why would we know where your jockstrap is? We didn’t use it last.)
I know my room is a mess and I label it as organized chaos. I know where everything is despite the mess. When you clean and touch things and “put them in their place” we expect you to know where the fuck you put it. Also, you probably washed my jock strap because God knows I don’t do laundry so tell me where the fuck it is, devil-women and stop messing with my mind.
- Sex as a cure all. (Example: Just learned that we lost our job and our mom is in the hospital. Who’s up for sex?)
Okay, I agree that sometimes we ask for sex at weird times but again, there is a method to our madness. You can’t think about two things at once. So if you are into the sexual experience you aren’t crying about your dead mom. See how that works out? Also, sex has PLENTY of benefits.
- Your mother is a saint. (Example: She’s not. A saint would teach you to put the lid down.)
Could you have found a bigger hack example than the toilet seat? How about I put the toilet seat down and the lid so then you also have to do some work? Oh yeah, and my mom’s maiden name was Saint. So eat a dick.
- Your definition of baby sitting. (Quote: Watching your neighbors kid is babysitting. Watching your own kid is called parenting.)
I didn’t know this was an issue. It seems petty. Get over it, women.
- Scratching in public. (Quote: You call it adjusting, we call it disgusting.)
Sorry. Not everyone can have their sexual organs inside of their body. Sometimes the underwear gets tangled up in our nut sack and we must adjust. And hey asshole, appendages itch. How many times have you had to itch your lung or kidney? Now how many times have you itched your arm? Checkmate. Either that, or we don’t care.
- Dirty clothes outside of the hamper.
Listen, 90% of the things we do involve sports in one way or another. When we ball up our underwear, we yell “KOBE!” then chuck it at the hamper. If we miss, we miss. The Lakers lost that day. That’s it. We also can live in a completely disgusting environment. If it bothers you, clean it up. Plus, our clothes aren’t disgusting like yours. We don’t bleed on them for 60 days out of the year, you monster.
This isn’t gender specific. I have seen some bitches with nasty nose jobs that snore like a coke-head after a three day weekend. I’m sorry if your man snores, teach him to lay on his side or his stomach and that will cure it. Also, tell him to stop drinking or doing drugs. I snore when I pass out, not when I sleep like an adorable baby lamb. Either that, or we don’t care.
- Refusing to ask for directions.
Honestly. This is on the fucking list? Jesus Christ. Who gets lost anymore? Who doesn’t have a GPS or a smart phone with Google maps? Seriously, why the hell is this still a stereotype? What are we in an episode of the Honeymooners?
- Video games. (Quote: Dude, you’re not 15. No really.)
Wait a tick. Have you seen how awesome video games are lately? For serious, yo. Video games are complex, increase dexterity and brain functions. Now, you can socialize through them and enhance problem solving capabilities. I don’t know, I could have just made that up but video games are awesome and not only for kids anymore.
- Piss poor aim.
Hurr hurr, men pee on toilet seats derp. Yeah, well you try brushing your teeth and taking a piss at the same time. We don’t get to take a luxury cat-nap while we rid ourselves of waste like you girls.
Not sure how you don’t understand golf? I won’t explain the game of golf, but more like why we play it. Golf is a getaway. I have never played it but it is a way for men to remain competitive in old age. It is also relaxing and from what I hear, quite fun. We don’t knock the salon, lay off of golf.
- Thinking you’re a better driver. (Example: When was the last time you successfully cried your way out of a speeding ticket?)
Most stereotypes are there for a reason…And didn’t you just hurt your own case by saying women get pulled over? Guys don’t get pulled over as much because they are better drivers. Lets stop beating around the bush. Also, that reminds me. Shave your bush.
- Taking an hour in the bathroom.
Just like Golf, this is an escape. We know we can have some privacy. Also, I know when I take a shit, I shower afterwards. Sometimes followed by a shave and brushing my teeth. Maybe some jerking off in between all of that? Who knows…plus, that’s pretty much our bathroom time for the entire day. Talk to me at 7pm on Friday night right before we go out, then we can see who takes longer in the bathroom. Otay?
I have to admit, I don’t find farts funny. I think it’s really low-brow stuff. However, girls watch the Kardashians and stupid stuff like that. Identify don’t compare, ladies. Also, think about it…it’s air that comes out of your butt-hole that makes a funny sound and smells bad. That’s pretty much every guy’s sense of humor.
- Your version of cooking. (Example: Guys just order out.)
Simple, If you predominately do the cooking in the relationship and you do not want to cook that night, we are usually thinking that we should treat you to some take out or something. Either that, or we don’t care.
- Your inability to multitask. (Example: Can’t answer a question with the TV on.)
This bothers me because I am excellent at multi-tasking. I can answer so many questions during TV shows. I’m like the Michael Jordan of answering questions while the TV is on. I bet your man just doesn’t care about you or what you have to say. Probably because you talk too much during his TV shows.
- Sick babies. (Example: Guys are babies when they are sick.)
I understand this. My father and I are like this. Why? Because we get sick once or twice a year, maybe. We don’t lay in bed all day because we have stomach cramps or a head ache. We have a better immune system and higher tolerance for pain, so when we get sick/hurt we REALLY get sick/hurt. Anyway, if I get sick 5 days of the year, you can take care of me. I’m in charge of taking care of you he other 360 days. Let’s switch roles for a bit…
- Never admitting you’re wrong. (Quote: Would you rather be right or happy?)
This is stupid because what if we are right? You just think we are always wrong so you think we should constantly admit that. What if we think we are right? Stop arguing over abstract subjects. I also don’t like the threatening connotations you are implying. If we are right, we can’t be happy because you will make our lives hell? That’s fucked up, man.
- Empty containers in your fridge.
This seems like a frat boy reference and I will not respond to such things.
Okay, and that concludes our trilogy posting. I feel like it got pretty redundant towards the end? And I was bored. Too many stupid stereotypes that people think still go on in today’s society. Anyway, I hope you got some sort of insight or maybe a laugh or two from the posts. Otherwise this was a BIG waste of time.