I have had this post queued up for a while. It will be post 2 of our trilogy. I find the topic super interesting, so I researched it a lot. By research, I mean that I read a lot of dumb articles to find out what men do not understand about women and vice versa.
There are a lot of dumb stereotypes that you have to get over but once you do, you realize that there might be guys out there that actually think like that. However, I feel like females all write the articles. Whatever.
Again, I’m going to elaborate on what another website did. Why? Because I find it hilarious and who is this blog for if not for me? Here is 49 things that men don’t understand about women. Not sure why they couldn’t make it an even 50 but that isn’t my job. I will be answering the fellas’ questions and taking some shots at them for being dumb.
Feel free to correct me in the comments section.
- “When I ask a girl what’s wrong and she says ‘nothing’ why does that mean I’m screwed?” -Nicholas, 19
Nick, you’re 19 and you already know that girls don’t properly show emotions yet are overly emotional. You’re going to go places, kid.
- “Why does going to the restroom require a group effort?” -Sam, 22
This is obvious. They talk shit about us, fart and have someone make sure they fix their make-up properly.
- “Everything. They’re completely unpredictable.” -Sergei, 19
Sergei, you need a name change and some growing up to do. Talk to Nick. He has a better grasp on women. They aren’t unpredictable. Even the crazy ones have patterns of craziness. You need to be a codebreaker like in A Beautiful Mind to understand them, though.
- “The ability to insta-cry.” -Woody, 24
Actors can do this. I’m not impressed. I also do it when I am in handcuffs. This would also be a funny website. Instagram pictures dedicated to cry-faces.
- “Mood swings.” -Steve, 34
The OG of the group so far. He says it so matter of factual. They must really bother him. It’s called Bi-Polar Disorder or heroin addiction. Normal people do not have mood swings.
- “That most women wear their insecurities on their sleeve.” -Will, 21
Will is definitely some sort of poser emo-kid that tried to say something profound to the chick polling everybody. This doesn’t even make sense.
- “Why is their handwriting so much better than mine?” -Weston, 24
Finally, we found a true mystery of the universe. Why the fuck is this? I am stumped. No answer for this. One thing I truly don’t understand about women.
- “You guys wear some weird sh*t. Is it for you or for us?” -Mike, 35
Of course it is for them. Them and women around them. We don’t understand the weird shit and we don’t find confusing sexy. Next
- “Why they always go for the [jerk]. What perplexes me even more is that women deny the fact and then complain about not finding a nice guy.” -David, 23
Poor David seems like he is a beta-male. Girls don’t always go for a jerk. You just go for dumb girls who do.
- “That they dress up for other women. They know guys aren’t going to know what brand of shoes they’re wearing.” -Ryan, 20
Girls are brand-whores. It’s true. It’s also no coincidence that the expensive clothes make them look slamming. So, shut up.
- “Trying to figure out what it is they really want. I know what I want from a relationship…women can be more fickle.” – Mark, 27
Girls know exactly what they want in a guy. This is stupid.
- “Why don’t chicks talk about sex openly?” -Kreshnik, 22
What kind of name is “Kreshnik?” Listen here, comrade…the slutty ones do. Are you “Putin” the pussy on a pedestal? LOL
- “Women who are constantly uploading photos of themselves posing in a mirror. I don’t totally understand it, but it comes off as a sign of insecurity.” -Ben, 24
You answered your own question, douche-nozzle. Girls need to be validated on social media. You know it, why ask?
- “Why they are so competitive with other women to be the skinniest, when [not all] men like it when women are really skinny!” -Scott, 35
I like skinny. Well, athletic. Just because you like fat chicks, don’t make the rest of us suffer. Jerk.
- “Why they say one thing when they really want or mean another. If women just said what they wanted in the first place, there would be no miscommunication.” -Mike, 23
Girls speak in a code. When you figure it out, you will understand and there won’t be miscommunications. I can picture you as the type of dude who doesn’t listen. Like at all. Then complains about not understanding.
- “Why does a girl always seem to demand approval of her insecurities? She doesn’t want to be told, she shouldn’t be insecure about them…it’s like she wants validation that they’re there.” -Brett, 33
No, she wants validation that they are NOT there. If she thinks she looks fat, she wants to hear she’s skinny. Also, she cares about what you think. Stop complaining that a woman asks your approval. That’s a good thing.
- “How does she know so much more about sex than me?” -Martin, 26
Martin, you are dating a whore.
- “That such obviously superior creatures even find men attractive.” -Derek, 22
Wow. This is an obvious pick up line to the girl asking the questions. Moving right along.
- “Why does it seem like every day is a ‘bad hair day’? I don’t think most guys can tell the different between a good and bad hair day.” -Zach, 24
This is just stupid. When a girl complains of a ‘bad hair day’ she is just preemptively striking with an excuse if you think it looks bad.
- “Why do they ask your opinion when all they really want in the end is for you to just agree with them?” -Brian, 39
They want validation, not advice. Simple as that, scumbag.
- “How something can be 100-percent right one day, but 100-percent wrong the next day.” -Mike, 35
If it is 100% wrong the next day, it was never 100% right. They were just appeasing you at the time and then a straw broke the camel’s dumb back and everything came flooding out of her mouth like a diarrhea volcano.
- “Women sometimes take text messages way too seriously. If I don’t respond to a text, I’m not necessarily trying to tell her I’m uninterested or angry.” -Tim, 23
Just answer a text, retard. It takes two seconds, that’s why she’s upset. Answer with “I’m at work” or something if you’re actually busy. If not, she will think you are blowing her off. How do you not get that?
- “If you live with a girl, why do they want to sit with you and touch you all of the time?” -Steve, 27
Wow. So that sounds like you don’t understand why a girl wants to show her love to you. You need therapy.
- “Why do girls always feel compelled to brag about what kind of Starbucks drink they order?” -Cam, 18
I have never heard of this, so I won’t answer it.
- “Everything.” -Jared, 24
Jared, you sound hopeless buddy. I hope you read my blog.
- “Their time of the month.” -Tyler, 31
Okay, you are 31 and you don’t understand that a girl bleeds every month? Did you not take biology in High School? Tylers are notoriously stupid.
- “Why do girls refuse to believe that their close guy friends want to sleep with them or date them?” -Wayne, 25
It’s called being “naive” and craving attention from males. They also want to make you jealous. Usually that means it is someone with daddy issues.
- “I don’t understand how a woman can say, ‘I know you’re right,’ and continue to do the wrong thing.” -Mark, 30
Some people need to learn the hard way. This isn’t just a female thing. They need to learn from experience because other people’s opinion means nothing to them.
- “How they expect you to read their minds.” -Matt, 30
They don’t expect you to actually read minds, they expect you to show a little empathy.
- “I don’t get when why a girl gets dressed up really nice, but then when a guy checks them out, they get pissed! It can be done by nice, non-creepy guys.” -James, 30
I think that was the creepiest question yet, James.
- “How a guy can figure out when to help you solve your problem and when to walk away?” -Chris, 26
Chris, you seem illiterate. Girls never want you to solve their problems. They just want you to listen. Let them vent and that’s it.
- “They don’t know if they want someone older and more serious or younger and fun.” -Alex, 34
Alex, you are neither of those things. 34 years old sucks. I’m sorry. Stop going for younger girls. Look for someone your own age.
- “Why don’t women use pick-up lines?” -David, 21
I hate you, David. I hate you with the burning passion of 1,000 suns.
- “Not knowing what they want for a special occasion. They say nothing, but then of course they want something. It doesn’t change after you’re married!”- Shane, 33
They are trying to be humble, you dolt. Just buy something small and meaningful when they say nothing.
- “How come women lie about how often they masturbate?” -Joey, 21
Maybe they aren’t? Maybe you should trust people.
- “Straight men are mystified by the whole makeup process. They don’t realize women don’t wake up looking like that.” -Frank, 38
This sounds like a gay make-up artist talking.
- “Why marriage and kids are so important to them.” -Mark, 29
Marriage and kids are important? If you don’t want them, find someone who doesn’t? This is stupid.
- “Why do girls like all the trashy TV?” -Samuel, 28
Girls like to judge people. They do it so they can constantly judge other people without seeming like a bitch.
- “Why don’t women always want to have sex after making out?” -Robert, 23
Girls just like to kiss. Just because we get rock hard during a make-out session, doesn’t mean they want to do it. Sometimes our hormones get pumping and we don’t even realize that theirs aren’t.
- “Who are they always talking to on their cell phones? How are they so popular?” -Ambrose, 30
Ambrose? That’s a stupid name. No wonder you aren’t popular, you jealous jerkstore.
- “Why don’t all girls like porn?” -Jackson, 21
That’s pretty creepy, Mr. Action Jackson. Girls do like porn, you just have to find something tasteful. They don’t like anal-stuff and gang bangs usually.
- “[How] anything a man can say, regardless of what it is, may spark an argument.” -Damien, 31
Girls speak in a hidden tongue. Sometimes they don’t realize that we say things at face value. They look for hidden meanings and often times, they aren’t there. Just be prepared to defend yourself and you will be fine, bro.
- “How long they can hold minor grudges.” -Beau, 25
Wasn’t this a character from ‘To Kill a Mockingbird?’ Remember, your words might be small, but they can effect other people greatly.
- “How they have 20 pairs of jeans and tons of shoes.” -Eric, 34
I have 20 pairs of jeans and tons of shoes. Stop living like a hobo, Eric.
- “Why are ex-girlfriends always insane?” -Matt, 20
You’re fucking 20. How many ex-girlfriends can you have? All 2 of them are crazy? Stop dating crazy people.
- “Why can’t they ever decide what to eat in less than an hour?” -Jordan, 32
Girls don’t make decisions. They usually have something in mind and want you to make a decision for them. When you do make that decision they will tell you if you were right. It’s a guessing game you don’t know you are playing. Be assertive.
- “I don’t get why they don’t want solutions for their problems from men. Women just want you to listen, but that doesn’t solve anything.” -John, 30
Not all problems need to be solved this instant. Slow down, John. Why can’t you just be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen? It’s very simple.
- “Why do they ask me questions they already know the answer to — like they want a different, more pleasing answer?” -Alex, 32
I think this is ironic that you answered your own question, Alex.
- “I don’t understand why women think their friends shouldn’t be allowed to sleep with someone with whom they’ve broken up with long ago.” -Wesley, 32
Stop trying to bang you ex-girlfriend’s friends. That’s a scum bag move, bro.
Alright, that’s it. Those are 49 guys who are semi-retarded. I was stumped on only one question: The handwriting. I mean, what the fuck? Why do girls write so beautifully but I write in some sort of hieroglyphics?