I have tried to start this post off like 3-4 different ways and it all sounded stupid. I want to talk about healthy relationships. The issue I am having is that I have no experience in healthy relationships. Absolutely zero experience. I feel as if it is kind of like a shitty career job you would interview for. You know, the entry level job that you somehow need experience for? I understand that I need experience to be a plastic surgeon but how am I going to get experience unless you let me cut your face open? There I go again. I’m terrible at analogies.
I have learned that there are four things that everyone needs to have in a healthy relationship. Respect, Honesty/Trust, Equality and lastly Good Communication.
More after this brief click…
So I have mentioned what you need to have in a healthy relationship. Now let us take a closer look, you know, for clarification purposes or whatever.
The first thing I mentioned was respect. This is a big one. You have to respect the other person. You just have to. It seems so obvious, however at times, one person does not respect the other on a subconscious level. They might not even realize that they are constantly belittling their partner in the most awful ways. I know this may come as a shock to you earthlings, yet there are people out there who are as selfish as a Cambodian glutton-sloth.
Easy ways to show someone respect is to first, listen to them with open ears and an open mind. There is a difference between hearing and listening. Don’t just hear the sounds coming out of their face-hole but actually listen to what they are saying! Secondly, not only listen but value what they have to say. If you can’t listen to someone or value their opinion than you should definitely not be with that person, let alone talk to them. Sounds easy, right? Then why are people so retarded? Checkmate.
The second phase of a healthy relationship is a combo between honesty and trust. This is basically like the good old push/pull relationship. Those words are so over-used that they have lost their meaning. Honesty and trust, not push and pull. I hope you understood that. People think they naturally emanate honesty and trust. Personally, I do not trust a soul and I am very rarely honest. I think I have convinced people staring at me that I am a Japanese jazz musician. I am a master manipulator, which helps reinforce my web of lies. Knowing how I am, I figure that everyone is like this. This is not the case, but it sure as hell feels like it is. This is why I get caught calling everyone’s bluff all the time. In my poker game of life, everyone is bluffing, but what really matters is my whole cards, not theirs. This is definitely an unhealthy and awful way to live life, but that is what I have to live with. Not you. Hopefully.
There is a very simple way to look at this foreign concept of trust and honesty. That is if you realize they coincide with each other. If you want it to work, you must trust that the person is being honest and you must be honest to gain the other person’s trust. It’s that push and pull relationship. With these being said, one should build a foundation of safety and feelings of comfort that will send a relationship right into the “pink cloud” or “honeymoon” phase. The next obstacle would be “the wall” when your relationship plateaus.
Remember, that if the trust or the honesty in your relationship is ever broken…it’s nearly impossible to mend. This is something I do have experience in. It’s impossible to trust someone after you catch them in a lie or just being dishonest. A million questions run through your head and the relationship will never be the same. Second chances are the myth, not healthy relationships.
Some people who I have spoken to have said that they actually prefer their spouse to be jealous. Some people think that jealousy is a synonym for caring. To me, that is awfully sad. I feel like jealousy is such a negative emotion and that it shows the opposite of trust which will then deny a person their chance to be honest. Jealousy can be cancer in a relationship, slowly killing anything nice and beautiful. I can see how one would see that as showing love, but there are actually positive ways to show love. Can you believe that?!?
The third phase I mentioned is equality. Again, another characteristic that people believe they exude yet I rarely see it happening in the real world. Most toxic relationships that I see will have one person who is a dominating force and the other folds like origami any time the the old ball and chain cracks the whip. There should be no party dominating through the course of a relationship because during a disagreement, there should be the use of a very fun tool…COMPROMISE.
Compromising becomes second nature if you are good with relationships. It really is simple to do, just think of it like a court case. She gets to state her case. Then you get to state yours. If neither is convinced that the other has a case…well that is where you meet in the middle to stop wasting time. Plain and simple. No parties are happy yet no parties are sad/mad. Often times, both parties are mad and that is because they don’t ever want to lose or share like giant babies. That’s a toxic relationship.
If you don’t know how to compromise, it is simple. Listen to each other. Respect each other’s opinion. Try to understand where they are coming from and acknowledge the other person’s feelings. Then, redundantly meet half-way in the middle. This reminds me of an old martial arts proverb says when you throw dirt…you give up ground. So stop fighting dirty and try to resolve the conflict the old fashioned way.
And lastly, yet the most important of the phases is Good Communication. There is nothing more important than a solid line of communication between two human beings. Whether it is vocal, texting or even body language; signals will be picked up on and your partner could be totally misinterpreting something that you are trying to say or do.
What are examples of bad communication, you ask? Well to start, if you or your partner: 1. Refuse to talk about “us.” 2. Yells rather than talks. 3. Keeps the other from speaking. 4. Refuses to talk about feelings and emotions. 5. Has no time for the other. 6. Gives the silent treatment.
That last one is the worst one. The silent treatment is the devil and anyone who tries to perform it should be roasted in a tire fire. A big dirty dumpster fire full of tires and black smoke to match their soul.
Well, now that all of that junk is out of the way…let’s talk about some toxic relationships that ended due to either me or the other person (Repeat: EITHER me OR the other person). Switching to bullet points for comedic effect:
- The “Let’s Talk in the Morning” Policy- I refused to argue drunk. This would usually enrage my girlfriend to Liam Neeson in Taken status.
- Lying, sneaking and cheating- This all gets tied into one but either one or both of us were always doing one of those things. Acting like a politician or some sort of drug addict. Or Rob Ford, everybody’s favorite drug addicted politician.
- Just not my type- HOW CAN TALL, LIGHT AND HANDSOME NOT BE SOMEONE’S TYPE?!
- Feelings just were not there- Then why the fuck did you string me along for months on the phone, make out with me a few times and let me feel your boobies in 8th grade?!?
- Friendzone- This only happened once in my life. It was that awful that I NEVER let it happen again.
- There is no spark when we kiss- Are you serious? To some girls all I have been is a spark! Crazy lying broad lying through her lying liar-hole like a lion.
- Previous douchiness- Often times, I regret losing what I had and will try to rekindle our magical relationship yet the girl couldn’t forget the past. Sad, yet has happened numerous times.
- The Sociopath v. The Drama Queen- what we call the unstoppable force against the immovable object. Too much feels versus not enough feels. A horrible match up where the drama queen often loses while the sociopath doesn’t realize he’s winning.
- Partner is an emotional dumping ground- Listen, when you get into a relationship, it’s okay to turn to your mate for advice just don’t expect to hand out your dirty laundry and have the other person wash it, fold it and put it away. See a therapist, silly.
- The “little things”- either it wasn’t being done or just forgotten in general. Big things seem to always get done, yet it’s always the little things that matter. Especially to dames.
The Buddhists have a saying that I like (I’m paraphrasing, of course), What you are is what you have been. What you will be is what you are now. If you want to know your past, look at your present condition. If you want to know your future, look at your present actions. It doesn’t have to be this good, guys. Be humble and whatever joy there is in this world comes from the desire for others to be happy. Whatever misery and suffering is in this world comes from the desire for myself to be happy. If everyone thought like this, the world would be a much more tolerable habitat and I wouldn’t have to write blogs pointing out the shortcomings of relationships so people can act right. Don’t wait on tomorrow because sometimes the next life comes quicker. Make those changes TODAY.