This is what an honest online dating profile should look like. Let us see if any reader finds me attractive after reading some brutal honesty…
After the jump…
Hugh Daniel Murray IV Address: Deleted
Email: Logic1147 at Gmail dot com
Depressed, narcissistic and self-sabotaging young man with excellent communication skills and a silly blog. Also excels in joke telling and finding funny pictures of animals in people clothes for Facebook friends. A professional defendant and a role model on the surface that shows through dedication to resisting change. Looking for someone to support my habits until I finally get my own reality show.
- Bachelor’s Degree in Not Liberal Arts from University of Mouthfarts
- Used to be a scholar athlete 5 years ago.
- Has beaten every Assassin’s Creed in 3 days or less (Xbox only).
- Has had numerous emotionless sexual encounters
- Has a Corgi named Zooey and a Boston Terrier named Rudy
- Recognized beer pong skills
- Looks fantastic in a suit
- Has performed at almost every comedy club in Long Island and Manhattan
- Captain of an Ultimate Frisbee dynasty
- Considered one of the best defensive minds in Fantasy Football (Winner of Fantasy Football 2011)
- Never had a faithful girlfriend/legally dead inside.
- Over 1050 followers on Twitter, 370 on Instagram and 1,500 Facebook friends. *pukes*
- Been compared to Matt Damon, Tom Brady, Mark Wahlberg and Chris Pine.
- Selected to audition for Montreal Comedy Festival
- Excellent with dogs and children.
- Dislikes children.
Opened for Jim Norton Poconos, PA
One time I opened for shows for one of my comedy influences Jim Norton. The gig didn’t further my career the slightest bit and Jim didnt even talk to me, but I didn’t bomb and I had sex with a fan.
Psychologically Unfit to Be a Police Officer in NYC
Played a “Robot Strangler” in a YouTube Series Peoria
Played a popular super-villain The Robot Strangler where I was a human sent back in time to strangle robots. How is that possible, you say? I made it work.
Constant disappointment to friends and family
For 27 years, I was gifted with above average intellect and physical prowess yet have used my gifts for nothing but evil. Successfully alienated everyone that has loved me. Maybe the bar was set too high or maybe I’m just a handsome Lex Luthor.
10-2 Record in Streetfights
3 Knockouts and 1 Submission (via rear naked choke).
Activities and Community Service:
- Been thrown out of every bar in a 5 mile radius from my house.
- Have been in handcuffs 6 times, not counting the sexual experience HA CHA CHA
- Has taken well over one hundred “selfies” because he doesn’t trust mirrors like the girl from Clueless
- Coached lacrosse for at least 8 years. Making at least one kid cry each time.
- Has successfully been a stepping stone for at least 9 women before they found true love, marriage or children (Facebook confirmed).
- Has used the alias Jim Burke to avoid being thrown out of college
- Once successfully tricked the police into thinking I was in the armed service to avoid a bail setting.
- Recognized as one of the best drunk drivers of all time by Newsday and the NY Post.
- Does not discriminate. Has slept with women of over 12 nationalities.
Please contact if interested in financially supporting this young man in his pursuit of becoming a writer or a comedian or D-List celebrity from reality TV. Must know how to cook, want to clean, have a high sex drive and working knowledge of Game of Thrones and Time Travel.