(WARNING: THIS RANT IS A METAPHOR FOR TRUST ISSUES IN A RELATIONSHIP)
I really don’t know how to start this article. An essay about not caring? What’s the point of that? If I truly don’t care, why would I waste my time writing a homework assignment on it. Maybe it’s more of an abstract concept than a definitive statement. In reality, I do care. How could you not? It’s just, I’m not interested. I realize that I am being entirely too vague but it really is just a general statement about anything that someone feels you should care about. Also, I plead the 5th. And that is why America is perfect. Politics, religion, current events, social norms and values. I’m not interested in hearing about them. Why? Because this is my life and fuck you. That’s why. Life is way too complicated to worry about what other people are doing or their opinion of you.
It’s a difficult thing to believe that you truly have everything figured out due to quotes like, “The man who claims he knows nothing is wiser than the man who claims he knows everything.” The rage in me. It’s uncontrollable. The worst thing in the world is speaking to an older person and they mistake youth for ignorance. Ignorance is just a subtle way to say “paranoia” according to the good Doctor. Underestimation is always fun, but sometimes proving people wrong gets boring. Especially when you have to do it every fucking day.
This picture is what I am talking about. There are 80-year-old men out there that have no idea what “The Edge” is. When you get to the edge, it changes you. You become a student of the universe (or the all controlling magnet) and most people want to forget that they went over the edge. I wholeheartedly disagree. Your past is the mold for which your present is contained. Never forget where you came from, yo.
The issue I have is that I’m actually skilled at explaining myself in terms another person can understand. Normally, this would be a gift but certain people will always exploit this character flaw and use it as leverage over me in future conversations. What’s the point of being an extrovert if everyone is always trying to back you into a corner? What’s the point of communication if someone’s mind has already been made up? What’s the point of an idea if every idea I have will just be destroyed by negativity and doubt?
Just like the poker player who shows his hand after a bluff, the cheating spouse caught in the act or the religious prophet that survives a false prediction; the credibility of someone is diminished after a person can see the truth for themselves. Trust is not easily restored. In most cases, it’s not even worth the attempt to get it back. Excommunication seems easier. The next phase is the most frustrating part of human interaction…the ego of the other person. It always gets in the way of reality and they feel like you are required to regain their trust as part of the healing process because that is probably what their therapist told them. What happens when the accused doesn’t care?
I must admit to being guilty of having that ego. It is an unsettling thing when you find out that a person you care about doesn’t give a shit about repairing the burned bridge. I have always compared my personality to that of fire. I am chaotic yet practical. Burning bridges comes naturally to me. However, I would be nothing if not consistent. After 27 years, you would think people would come to understand what I have to offer as a human being. After 27 years, if we are still in disagreement then maybe you haven’t been paying attention.
I’m very tired of the mindless communication. The whole process of talking to people whose opinion has already been cemented. This is why I don’t talk religion, politics and very rarely sports. Those people do not listen to reason. Now this type of conversation is spilling over into my every day life. I feel like I’m arguing “Who’s better Barry Sanders or Jim Brown?” or “Well, if God didn’t exist how did the Big Bang Theory even happen? Someone had to smash those atoms together.” or even “Unions are killing America.”
There is no sense talking to people who think like that. Those are just topics to endlessly argue over. There never will be a precise winner or loser. Until God manifests himself on earth in a clear way or a Republican/Democrat fixes every issue, until we send Barry Sanders back in time to play in the NFL from 1957-1965, we will never know the answers to these damn questions. It’s the same when talking to a person whom you do not trust. That person can sit there and tell you that they are one place but the whole time you are thinking what you want. You can outright ask that person if your thought process is correct, but you will most likely be met with answers you don’t like. Now, will that change your mind? Of course not. Why? Because you’re a dickhead.
When a person tells you one thing and you believe another…you’re asking to be let down. Then when you try to investigate your claim and find no empirical evidence, you are exactly that; let down. However, will that ever change your way of thinking? Absolutely not. Why? Because you’re a dickhead and that isn’t exactly what you want to do when you want to do it. You want to be right and you will shift reality to make it so.
After months of going back and forth on whether or not a person is lying, you would think the ego would subside. However, it will not. It will only grow. Then, when the person in question responds to their accusations with something like, “I don’t care. Think what you want to think.” They are met with the rebuttal from their accuser of “See! I knew it! You were up to no good. If you weren’t being sneaky, you would care about what I have to think.” When in reality, the accused just gave up. The accused is sick and tired of defending their way of life. The accused is sick of the threats. The accused just wants to be left alone.
The point of this article is to try to show you that when the trust is broken, just move on. It’s not worth your time to be stressed out over what other people are doing. Everyone is waiting to react to other people rather than act on their own free will. It’s like a bad game of rock-paper-scissors. The other person is always waiting to react to you.
When thinking about a problem, always ask yourself “What’s my end game?” If you are going to stick around that person regardless of the outcome, stop wasting everyone’s time “just trying (or most likely needing) to know the truth” and live your life, man. I say this because every once in a while you will find someone like me and we will have a conversation that ends with me using a line like “I really don’t care. I guess that’s what happens to me then. I’m going to go live my life and you can continue being a dickhead.”