This used to be a perfectly acceptable pick up line…
Dating has become an insufferable thing in the age of technology. In our dad’s time you would just have to take a pin off of your letterman jacket and pluck that shit on some girl’s puppy skirt and she was yours. Forever. You went to prom, got her pregnant and married. No college. Life was simpler back then, and trust me…I have a degree in History.
The game became progressively easier and then became much harder through technology. I remember chatting with bitches on AOL all day and I would keep different avenues open and eventually all that hard work and chatting would pay off and I would get a wondrous week of hooking up with 2-3 different girls who all seem to come around at the same time for some reason? Hell, Myspace was even like a swinger’s playground for a while. Then something evil happened…
Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook. Immediately, women were overwhelmed with the accessibility of their T&A on the internet. People were creating fake emails to get access to different servers to get in contact with certain females. To put it plainly, it was “The Dawn of the Creeper.”
Nothing gets by Admiral Ackbar
I was recently asked my opinions on Open Relationships and to me, these don’t exist. They always seem like a great idea and maybe to “club kids” they are. I imagine if I was going to some club like Glo or Blu (or some other word with the last letter chopped off) to meet Amanda Bynes twice a week so we can take drugs that do nothing but give us a placebo affect and sweat stains, I would want to fuck a different girl every week too.
But first of all, Molly is shit. You guys are dumb. This is why kids who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s make fun of us. I was born in 1986. I didn’t grow up in the 80’s or the 90’s and odds are if you know me, you didn’t either. Those kids did cocaine and LSD at clubs. Why don’t you dubstep supporting douchebags just man up and smoke crack? Be a man, dammit. Stop judging songs based off of how many lasers/sirens are present and maybe check out some solid guitar work or an awesome hip hop beat. You guys listen to the same music that robots masturbate to.
Or better yet, don’t smoke crack. Just learn how to have fun without some pill? However, I digress..
Pardon the Interruption of this Dating Blog…
(WARNING: THIS RANT IS A METAPHOR FOR TRUST ISSUES IN A RELATIONSHIP)
I really don’t know how to start this article. An essay about not caring? What’s the point of that? If I truly don’t care, why would I waste my time writing a homework assignment on it. Maybe it’s more of an abstract concept than a definitive statement. In reality, I do care. How could you not? It’s just, I’m not interested. I realize that I am being entirely too vague but it really is just a general statement about anything that someone feels you should care about. Also, I plead the 5th. And that is why America is perfect. Politics, religion, current events, social norms and values. I’m not interested in hearing about them. Why? Because this is my life and fuck you. That’s why. Life is way too complicated to worry about what other people are doing or their opinion of you.
It’s a difficult thing to believe that you truly have everything figured out due to quotes like, “The man who claims he knows nothing is wiser than the man who claims he knows everything.” The rage in me. It’s uncontrollable. The worst thing in the world is speaking to an older person and they mistake youth for ignorance. Ignorance is just a subtle way to say “paranoia” according to the good Doctor. Underestimation is always fun, but sometimes proving people wrong gets boring. Especially when you have to do it every fucking day. Continue Reading
Hypocrites, hypocrites everywhere.
If there’s one thing I will never understand, it’s parents. The hardest thing about typing that sentence is I that I totally understand men and I just started to understand women so why can I not understand parents? They consist of men and women? Parents are the single most hypocritical thing on the planet. My parents are particularly the worst which is why I claim to know nothing about them.
I think a big part about a parent is pretending to care when your child tells you something but in reality you just think he’s a liar because you are used to thinking like the shitty child you were. I think most of the relationship between the parents and their child is just the parents trying to have that “A-HA! So, I WAS right!” and then the kid is like “Okay, so now what?” Then there is a stalemate where the parents are mad but they are mad at what the kid did and they don’t really understand why. They asked the question “Why did you do it?” and was met with “I don’t know, I felt like it.” and where do you go from there? No where.
On the other hand what if the kid is telling the truth? Then what? What happens when the parent has built it in their head that their kid is lying but in actuality he isn’t? Then there is just another stalemate until the parents do enough research and spying to basically alienate their child so maybe they can have that “A-HA!” moment. But then what happens? Nothing has changed except the idea of family has become shitty and every conversation becomes a trial?
What I want to explore in this post is how to deal with other people’s parents because for some reason I am surprisingly good with this. It was also something requested by a Facebook friend so let’s talk about it.