I read an article about how guys and girls basically cannot be best friends without feelings getting involved. It’s not that great of a read (link at the bottom). Also, the article isn’t even really about what I just said, so I am a liar. It’s mostly babbling junk from a guy who most likely wants to sleep with his best friend. He is supporting the fact that the girl best friend should always put out for her guy best friend and offers little reasoning behind his theory.
As much as I disliked the article, web design and writing style…it did pose an interesting question. Can the opposite sex be “best friends” without stirring up a feeling tornado? And sex counts as tornado feelings, jerks. I decided that I wanted to analyze the topic a little bit further and break his article down in a silly manner because I’m a silly man and I do silly things.
Again this is a topic chosen by a reader. My lack of creativity may stem from the fact that I am actually happy right now. Usually my best writing coincides with a life-shaking depression, so bear with me.
To summarize that garbage article I would say that he thinks that a girl should never love a guy who isn’t her brother like her brother because at some point the man will always try to pressure his girl best friend for sex. Stereotypes and corny sitcom humor is what that is. However, that is basically what he thinks in a nut shell. I know, it’s retarded but what do you expect from a dude who works for the NY Post?
I have so many issues with the article I can’t even pretend to hide it. What it really seems like is that this author has a girl best friend that he wants to have sex with and so he became super passive-agressive about it and wrote some doody down on the internet. He is advocating that a girl should always sleep with her best friend, because why the fuck not? That’s his argument. Seriously. However, for the sake of journalism, here is his reasoning…
His first reason is “If the sex is bad, you will still be friends.” Right there, I exploded with the rage. How can you be standing up for best friend sex and then the first reason you give starts off with “If the sex is bad…” You aren’t really selling the topic too well, sir. I really don’t think the fact that the sex COULD be bad is the first thing on everyone’s mind. There have to be more important things…Like, maybe the whole friendship ruining thing? Or the fact that one of them most likely doesn’t find the other attractive?
Whatever, quickly moving on to Reason #2: “If you get knocked up by your best friend, he can’t get too far!” Yuck. Ok, ladies… Here’s the first two reasons why you should sleep with your friends according to this dude… In case of bad sex that will get you pregnant, at least he can’t run away and you guys can laugh about it later while raising a baby that neither of you want. How amazing is that? That logic is undeniably legit, huh?
Well it can’t get any worse than those 2 reasons, can it? Oh wait..Reason #3: “Hey, it’s better and cheaper than bowling!” Omg. By the way, it really says that. First of all, Reason #1 was suggesting that the sex will be bad and now Reason #3 is saying that it will be better than bowling…I don’t think so, mister. Pick one. I really don’t think a girl is going to fall for the “Hey, fuck me. It’s better than bowling!” line. Plus, I know some chicks that LOVE bowling and HATE sex with dorks. He also mentions that it is cheaper than bowling but don’t get me started on how lame that sounds. Even your best friend might still want to do a date-like activity before they hope in the sack.
If you actually want to try to have sex with your friend, I would imagine you have a lot in common. Maybe try dinner/movie/bowling/etc. and then try to wheel the sex after a nice night. Plus, you will have the knowledge of all their pet peeves from bad dates and long chats about relationships so you will be able to use that information to your advantage.
Which brings us to Reason #4, He likes her for her. Wasn’t this a song? Oh, hey Leonardo…
But seriously, at least he finally found a good reason for friends to have sex. The first 3 were actually reasons why friends should NOT have sex. This is actually a cute reason as to why people should try to become friends before a relationship as well. You do not choose your friends because they are super models or have awesome jobs (Hopefully). You like them because of common interests and similar senses of humor. Personality compatibility, not sexual attraction. On the other side of the coin, this is surprisingly a good reason to sleep with someone. If they like you for who you are as a person and not what you look like or your reputation. A relationship that is built on something like that will last a very long time.
If you can tolerate your friend’s personality and hang out with them without the penis touching and vagina petting then a relationship should be a piece of cake. Sex is usually the go-to move when things get awkward and silent between two shallow people. If you can hang out with someone from the opposite sex without resorting to getting naked during every lull in conversation, then maybe you two crazy kids are meant to be! If you can’t, then maybe you should look beyond their looks.
This is not much of a transition, but most men are quite pessimistic. They take what they can get when they can get it. This is why the term “Friendzone” even exists. It exists because guys will happily settle into a friendship role because they themselves don’t think they deserve a larger role in the woman’s life. If the boyfriend or sex slave position would open up, I’m sure the “big brother” would love to transfer departments to a higher paying gig. Am I right, fellas?
The last reason in the article is because the “little fella deserves it” or simply put “You have given it up to worse than me.” Really? He basically said “Hey women, you’re all whores that give it up to assholes at bars and one night stands…so why not a good chum like myself?” That’s not going to make women feel like they should have sex with anyone ever again. Personally, I think if you approached a woman with that kind of argument, she would probably shut down to sex in general.
Also, If you didn’t notice, he wrote this article as an open letter to his female readership (if it exists). Come on, fella. If you’re going to talk to the females outright, at least present them with reasons that make them feel sexy. Not like bar sponges that don’t like bowling.
Yeah, so yuck again. 4 out of 5 reasons this guy gives are God awful and sound like personal problems rather than sound advice to other people in similar situations. I feel like it was a poorly written article propositioning women for sex with their best friends without good reason. Maybe it needed more research? Maybe it was poor humor? Not sure, but whatever it was…it wasn’t convincing.
Personally, I think best friends should only have sex if they both find each other way too attractive. You know, to the point where they can’t get over it and human conversations barely exist. The tension between them starts to mount and reaches the point that it is apparent to both parties and even the outside world. People will most likely say things like “When are you two going to hook up?” Every sentence will probably end in sexual innuendo (hopefully from both parties equally and not just the dude making dick jokes all the time). Then, I can see giving sex the go-ahead over friendship.
I can’t really see any other reason to sacrifice a friendship over sex. Friends are hard to come by. Especially from the opposite sex. They can be a powerful weapon. A true best friend of the opposite sex could potentially let you in on how your crush is thinking at all times. They can tell you what you can do to impress them. Hell, they can even put in a good word for you because they will speak the same language as your crush. It can be a valuable tool in finding your actual partner, so be absolutely sure that you want to sacrifice everything you have for something that might be better in your brain. Sometimes the imagination runs wild and can make a person or an idea sound much better in your head than it ever will be in real life. Some people call it “Putting the pussy on a pedestal” if you have ever seen 40 Year Old Virgin.
Plus, wouldn’t it be cool to have a best friend and a girlfriend? Now you have two people to communicate with and share feelings with rather than just one. You can complain about one to the other.
A best friend of the opposite sex is a unicorn-like rarity. I think if there is sexual tension, that is something that should be explored. Think Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine. However, with sex comes feelings. Not just from the females either. One person will usually break the “no feelings pact” like in that cute movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Then the friendship is basically ruined and you have to decide if you want to be in a relationship with that person or break contact all together.
I guess the point of this post is that you should be careful with a friendship. It’s more valuable than you think. Is it really worth the sex? Maybe you are just bored? Can you not get it anywhere else? I mean, if it is worth it…than fucking go for it. I’m not saying a couple of best friends should start banging or stay abstinent, I am simply supporting restraint and a very thorough conversation on where the sex will lead you when it’s all said and done. Relationships seem to come and go, but a true friend will be around for a hell of a lot longer.