This picture is phenomenal. I don’t know who to credit it to other than society. Maybe God sent down this wisdom to one lucky Barney Stinson-like man who etched it onto a golden tablet of testosterone while sipping dark beer and eating medium-rare steak. Or maybe it was created by an Omega? Who knows. However, I did have one problem with it and it is that I don’t like how it sums up the differences of the types of man you can be, because I wanted to do that. Alas, it has already been done. And alphas don’t waste their time.
I have created posts on style and friend-zoning which often separates the Alphas from the Beta(+). I think many know about the Alphas and Betas. Now, you have Deltas, Omegas and even Gammas.
If you haven’t picked up on what I am, I’m somewhere in between an Alpha(+) and a Gamma (+). If you don’t know what you are, most likely you’re somewhere on the negative side. The negative side seems to have those dudes with low IQ or high obliviousness.
Wanna learn how to be an Alpha? More after the jump.
I always dislike the guy who goes around preaching how awesome he is. That guy sucks, but other times I wonder, do I have to be this guy? Some jedi-like teacher to spread awesomeness? It’s not that I think you guys can’t be awesome on your own, I just think so many people are wrapped up in thinking something is “gay” or not manly and therefore will never do it. Maybe because you think people will judge you? I don’t know. Alphas don’t worry about other people.
I really want to move on from the topic of “How to be awesome” because I feel like it’s really douchey to talk about and I look like a self-serving asshole. However, you guys mostly think I’m that way anyway, so why not run with it?
I also re-read this post a few times and I now see that I’m letting people in on GOLDEN secrets that most guys probably never even thought to try. Some of this shit is so small and pointless that people overlook it. However if you changed every single thing on this list, you would practically be a different person.
Also, I have been trying to reach out to people on what to write about, no luck yet. Writer’s Block sucks when it sets in. So please, inform me of anything you would like to hear me talk about.
So here’s the deal… I found a lot of cool, anonymous posts on how to be an alpha male. How to get women. Hygiene. Style. Everything. I do a lot of research for you, I really do. But again there is no one to credit, I’m just clarifying that I didn’t make ALL of this up. It’s just read by me, processed by me, and interpreted through me. Consider it like I watched a movie and you asked me to explain it. Nothing has been copied and pasted (copy pasta). There are some secret-Hughbear techniques peppered in there, I’ll let you figure out which ones I made up.
Once again, shifting to bullet points. It’s my go-to blogging move.
- Look good, feel good. Remember our style talks? Buy some clothes you feel amazing in. Wear them when you have to look amazing. Direct relationship, nerds.
- Stop watching so much porn. It will trash your confidence. Girls look unattainable and the guys just look like huge swinging dicks. After I’m done transforming you, you will be able to jerk off from memory. Like Neo in the Matrix-porno.
- Body language, learn it. Girls prefer side to side communication. It’s less intimidating. However try to maintain a level of eye contact when LISTENING, not speaking.
- Watch her body language as well. Was she receptive to a slight touch? How would she act if you invaded her personal space (3-4 feet circumference around said person)? I read a stat that conversations are 300% more memorable when light touch is initiated. I also read a stat that I make up stats.
- Don’t go for that Perfect 10, sexy as fuck girl all the time. If you aren’t getting 100% success rate, that will ruin confidence. Try dating someone you aren’t attracted to once in a while. Confidence will return and you can date better looking women who are attracted to what? Oh, that’s right. CONFIDENCE. Also, who knows? Maybe you will fall in love with someone that isn’t a model..you shallow jerk.
- Work out. It releases endorphins. Look good, feel good. The only other way you can possibly get those endorphins is from heroin. Which brings me to my next point, DON’T DO HEROIN.
- Don’t crash and burn every relationship publicly (Read as: Facebook). Breaking up is half of the relationship. Do you watch Seinfeld? A very public break up will turn others off and label you as an immature psycho.
- Also, don’t cheat. Just break up. Reputations are stronger than any promise a lying liar’s lying hole can lie about.
- Also, once a cheetah always a cheetah. If you are making a girl cheat on her boyfriend, watch what happens to you when you start dating her. A cheetah can’t change its spots, yo.
- Talk WITH women, not at them. Don’t dominate the convo. Avoid small talk as an opener. Come back to the “where do you work/study” bullshit after you have heard an opinion. Get some emotions going first then pepper in the small talk to keep the conversation moving.
- Stand up straight, you slothy-slouch. Even if the confidence isn’t there and you aren’t a peacock, fake it until you make it.
- If at a venue where drinking is accepted, do it. Just don’t get wasted. 1-2 drinks will calm the nerves. Sober people scare people who are drinking and drunk people are the worst. This rule is known as “The Hypocritical Hugh”
- TAKE YOUR HEADPHONES OFF! You never know who is trying to meet you, but you keep shutting them out with your Bruno Mars playlist.
- Have you ever been told you smell nice? No? Maybe invest in some cologne. NO AXE, jerk. Google: “Spicebomb” or Dolce’s “Light Blue.” However, when using cologne use a neutral deodorant. Don’t over musk. Women are not skunks. OR ARE THEY?!
- Are you a sweaty mess? Wear an undershirt. Even with a polo. It’s okay. No one will judge you and you won’t sweat through your shirt as fast. Also experiment with new deodorants. Sometimes your body builds up a tolerance to what your using. Same goes for soap.
- Either dress black belt with black shoes or brown belt with brown shoes. Navy Blue and black do not work.
- No scarfs. Never. Not even once.
- Smelly feet? Baby powder the socks. Dryer sheets in the shoes over night. Next problem!
- Use conditioner in your hair (every 1-2 days). Girls like soft hair and soft face skin. Work on that and you’ll be more kissable or requested for cunnilingus more often.
- Manscape. I hate the word but I didn’t want to write “Shave your balls” Oh darn it.
- Bad acne? Put a fresh towel over your pillow every night. Seriously. Try it. Exfoliating scrub every other day.
- Wondering if you have bad breath? Lick your hand. Let it dry. Sniff hand. BOOM. A disgusting way to tell if you’re disgusting. BTW, tongues are pink…not white.
- Only call a girl if you need something. No talking to just talk. Quickest way to the friend zone is listening to a girl talk about nothing.
- When asking a girl out, never ask it as a question. Statements are forceful, demand attention and receive less rejection.. “Hang out with me tomorrow.” or “I’m free this weekend. Let’s do something.”
- Ever text a girl and she keeps you waiting for the reply? Then you send a second text to make sure she got the first text? YOU BETTER NOT SEND A THIRD TEXT. I WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS, BETA MALE. Send a text. One more if you’d like. Then if you don’t hear from her, you must wait at least 3 days before contacting again. Don’t sweat her if you can’t make her sweat. (rule negated if she contacts you)
- So you like the girl your texting? Here’s an awful idea. One word texts. In fact, if you waste a text on two words, I’ll break your phone.
- Girls like a sexy smile that differs from your normal smile. Like a sexy half-smile. It worked for Elvis. Practice a sexy smile in the mirror. Have a different smile when you hear a joke than when she tries to get sexy/playful. You see how that can be a bother? “When I rub his inner leg and make a blow job joke, he looks at me like he just saw two kittens hug or his brother fart.”
- A conversation with a different pretty girl while your crush is looking goes a long way. However, look back at your crush while talking with the cute chick. Maybe even maintain eye contact with crush. Look bored, blow a kiss. Be fucking James, James Bond.
- (I’m a smoker so this one is hard for me to preach about, that’s an excuse..a poor one, but an excuse). NEVER HAVE BAD BREATH.
- Learn the words to one love song and sing it softly to her one night over some wine. Even if she laughs at you, she will NEVER forget it. You can go the other way with it if you learn a really funny song and do it at karaoke.
- Always and I mean always be the second one to want to get exclusive in a relationship. You know what’s worse than being single? Being labeled as “clingy.” Girls want a man, not another girl.
- Don’t go for a friend of an ex. Only the true Alpha-as-fuck can pull it off. I never have. It’s also classless and think about it, would you want your ex banging your best friend? No, not your dog. Gross.
- Are you as oblivious as me? Ask questions on what she is planning to do that week. A girl will never fail to reveal a mani/pedi/stylist appointment (for some odd reason). Take note, that week. Then when she shows up and she’s slightly changed, you can notice and be adorable.
- Has she dropped something in casual conversation that she likes (ex: a piece of candy)? Maybe buy it for her? Yeah everyone pays for sex, but how can you go wrong with a blow job that stemmed from a pack of sour patch kids? Ew. Did I just type that? I just sounded like a pig.
- If you’re going to be a man-whore, you better learn how to fuck. Then at least the statement is “Yeah he’s a whore and he used me but he fucks like a stallion.” That reputation WILL stick, so you better turn that negative to a positive and quick.
- Alphas walk in front of the group. Alphas don’t stare at the ground when they walk.
- Walking in to a place? Say hi to everyone you know. Firm hand shake, eye contact. Ask them a question. Move on. Like the fucking boss Mayor of Awesometown.
- A lot of times a girl’s friends will give away her intentions. It’s like getting the snap count from an offensive tackle.
- Don’t over compliment a woman to the point of creepiness. If it is starting to feel creepy, IT IS. Picture stalking on Facebook counts as over complimenting and being creepy. Use your best judgement.
- If you are an emotional person with complex feelings such as myself, don’t go chasing incredibly sexy airheads. Maybe the sex will be good, but that is all it ever will be. You will be explaining a deep, dark thought full of twists and emotions and she will counter with “Don’t my feet look weird?”
- Don’t reveal creepy sexual fetishes until she at least tells you what she likes.
- Never ask if a girl is on her period, you will gain zero ground. It will never work in your favor. I would explain it, but that would encourage people to try it.
- Also, if she all of a sudden adds periods to her text messages, she’s mad.
- About to say something fucked up (Telling a joke)? Smile, make sure she knows you’re joking and you don’t really want to fuck a dead baby.
- Every bro gets to like one chick flick. Save it for a good one.
And that concludes this list. I’m sorry that it was a long post. I tried to keep my commentary to a minimum. However, I dished out a lot of valuable shit that normal men will never think of. Some of it you probably do naturally, others you need to be conscious of before you can change. And I repeat, this is not all stuff I made up or even have done personally. It’s just a bunch of tips from anonymous sources that I think make sense or sound cool. Also, when in doubt try a proven method: