It’s been an intense couple of weeks. I’ve been on quite a few podcasts and told a bunch of stories from my personal life that would categorize me as a crazy person. However, these podcasts have been fun and also very interesting. The hosts of the shows have often had an issue with a lady that they wanted help with. I’ve gladly helped.
It gave me the idea for this post, a post on the dreaded Friend Zone. This has to be a guy’s biggest fear like other than being set on fire, of course. It basically boils right down to the old saying “Nice guys finish last.” Right? That’s what everyone thinks? Well, we will get into all of that after the jump. Follow me, please.
Wow. I actually started a post out with a clean transition. No awkward openings or nothing! Wow!
Anyway, The Friend Zone is something we’ve all experienced at some time or another. I think it happens when you get too comfortable with the person and forget the goal.
The basic idea of the “Friend Zone” is broken down when a love interest no longer thinks of you as a viable partner for love, but rather thinks of you as more of a friend or a sibling. Urban Dictionary (first definition) has it defined as “What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another.”
I was friend zoned early on in my dating career. Actually, by the first girl that I ever had a crush on. She would talk to me on the phone for hours. She would complain about boyfriends and new suitors and I would just listen and try to jump on every opportunity I could. If you were to hear my side of the phone conversation it would have been like this:
“Yeah Eric’s a douche. Oh, well you could always just you know, date me? What? Yeah I know, I’m funny. But it would be cool if we, you know, dated. Oh, right. You love Eric, the Cheater. Haha that’s a good nickname for him right? We should all call him that. What? You like the nickname he has? El Caballo? What does that even mean? Oh. The Horse? *shudders* Yeah, you have to get to the movies. Well, let me know if you need a ride home later. Ok bye, love you. Yeah that’s what I meant. Sorry. Love you like a friend too. Bye.”
If you related to that in anyway, you are in or have been in the friend zone. I’m sorry to break it to you like this, but you have to see how you actually sound. Or hear how you sound? I don’t know many people who can see sounds, but we’ll figure it out.
It wasn’t until I stopped doing the nice things, that you lose the friendship but she has to know that friendship isn’t good enough for you. You want more. You don’t want to be the wet shoulder for her to cry on. You want to be the wet dick in her mouth. I’m just kidding about the last part, that’s not something you should say.
A common misconception is that girls like “nice.” Girls like handsome. Girls like rich. Girls like smart and funny. Guys think girls like nice. Nice is good after you are dating. You need to figure out what you are bringing to the table. What does she like? What do you have to offer this girl? I know a girl from my high school that would ONLY date whoever won Best Looking on Senior Night. She did this in a 4 year span. I wasn’t even a nominee, why would I even have a shot with this girl? But here I am, buying her drinks when she’s out. Listening to all the times she was fucked and chucked aside.
It’s only when you stop doing all these nice things, that you can accomplish anything. That was very Tyler Durden of me, huh? Well, I’m serious. If she’s not getting picked up from the bar at 4AM with runny mascara and a broken heel after a huge fight with her boyfriend about him dancing with some other girl, she will start to think “Man, I miss my friend. Maybe I should give him what he wants so I can have what I want.”
Once you lay down the law with a girl that has had you in the friend zone, you finally got the upper hand. Best case scenario? You become boyfriend and girlfriend. Worst case? You get to stop wasting your time, cell phone minutes and gasoline.
It’s much harder than it sounds. In a few relationships, I thought I had been in love and then awful things happened and I felt like I had to break up with the girl. Then you realize, “Does she even care? Would this even hurt her? Or am I just hurting myself?” And then you stay with her until she hurts you again and think the same things. Just cut the ties and spare yourself the pain. The same thing goes for people that aren’t even in a serious relationship with another person.
Now when I said “What are you bringing to the table?” This is a serious self inventory homework assignment. I want you to think at what you offering the object of your desire. At one point in my life I had been just fresh out of earning my bachelor’s degree and playing college lacrosse. I bench pressed 350 lbs and squatted almost 500 lbs. I drove a BMW and was making $100k a year. I have (and still have) stellar style, I do stand up comedy. I had a lot that I was bringing to the table. I’m not bragging. I’m just showing you that people like this actually exist. I can’t and don’t have any of that shit anymore. I’m pathetic now. I know a guy who owns gyms, drives Porsches and models in body building competitions.
I’m just giving you the heads up that this is the competition. How are you supposed to compete with this shit? You have to make a list of positive and negative aspects about yourself as a human being. Then take the positives and throw them in the garbage. Then take the negatives and change them. Aspire to be perfect. We’ve already learned that “Perfection is Perception” but if you aren’t aspiring to succeed, you’re waiting to fail.
I haven’t been friend zoned in over 10 years. I don’t think my body building friend has ever been friend zoned. You just need to stop being a Beta-Male who’s scared and self-conscious and rise up to be that confident Alpha that girls notice when you walk by. No one looks twice at the a guy holding a girl’s pocket book while she’s trying on bras in Victoria’s Secret. No one pays any mind to the idiot buying tampons at Stop and Shop.
Let’s wrap this up, shall we?
I’m saying that if you don’t have 6-pack abs, you better be working on an atom splitting science experiment. If you drive a piece of shit car, you better be trying to get under 4% body fat. If you aren’t funny, you better get a make over. If you aren’t confident, you better start getting used to Jergen’s lotion on a Friday Night.