I’m terrible at opening things up, I just feel the need to apologize that I’m not writing every day. On the other hand, no one is sending me money… So really, there is no one to apologize to.
I was explaining to a friend that I don’t write every day because I’m trying to write every post from the heart. It takes a lot out of you and sometimes, it’s just not there. He said it sounded “Artistic” and “Gay.” But if I’m not that, then what am I?
The other day my friend Nick posted this story to his Facebook feed entitled “Are We All Just Looking For Someone That Doesn’t Exist?”
I’m going to break this article down into nothingness in defense of love and finding that perfect person. Maybe because I’m a romantic. And a hopeless one at that. And artistic and gay. I’m a lot of things, apparently. However, I am right. You don’t have to settle and if you don’t, you won’t die alone. This is what I scream in the shower every night.
And hey, look! I used some italics instead of capitalizing the words I’m stressing. I must be some kind of fancy writer. Follow me to the jump and let’s take this issue deep. Something your mother can relate to.
I have to start out with what I agree with. So, let me say that I do agree that people (in general) are becoming more promiscuous by nature. And with that lies the paradox. The human being is just becoming one giant ball of ironic flesh. The author says “As humans, intrinsically we crave bonds and connections.”
If you’re not as smart as him and I, that means that like turtle doves, we mate for life. It is in our genes. I broke out the Home Alone reference because I figured the dumb people would understand it easier.
The problem then comes from “Human Nature” which is an awful thing. Even God didn’t realize how awful and powerful free will was going to be when that bitch Eve ate the apple. I don’t mean to get derogatory but I would’ve liked to have seen Eden. Am I right, fellas?
The one big issue that I have with this article is how badly this dude wants his ex girlfriend. Dude, you have to move on. The quicker you accept that she wasn’t perfect and wasn’t perfect for you, the quicker you can realize who is.
But that’s all I will say directly to him.
I think the “Sanctity of marriage” has been doomed since the 60’s. Those god damned Hippies practicing their free love, E-lectronic gui-tars and make out parties. It’s been solidified in Rap Music since then. Rock and Roll took a turn towards love while Rap has been preaching no strings attached sex.
I’d even say that gay marriage hurt fidelity because the people who did worship marriage and define it as a man and woman are now looking at it like a joke. However, my gay friends simply wanted to be included, not sour your dumb views on what true love is. People who say otherwise probably just married for duty, rather than love. Like a good Christian lad.
What the author of the article is saying that Love is like Chasing the Dragon. If you’ve never done heroin, that means your first high is always the best. That’s just how drugs work. Tolerance is a mother fucker. I would also say that Love is like Drugs. You have a tolerance building up in you to how awesome the other person is, and if you’re feeling like every girl is not as perfect as the first…take some time off from the dating scene. Eventually reverse tolerance will kick in and you will overdose on your first blow job. What? Why am I so bad at metaphors? Do you understand what I’m saying though?
When your heart truly gets broken, it will need time to heal. That’s a fact. If you spent 3 years falling in love, you aren’t going to snap out of it when she blows her pot dealer and breaks your heart. If you swim out into the ocean for 3 years, it’s not going to take a week or two to get back to land. There is no “Reset button” that the author mentions. Just throw The Cure on the stereo and start untagging pictures of you two on Facebook. Time heals all. Except old age.
To some, that might truly be as depressing as Owen Wilson’s “I’m not knocking love, I don’t believe in friendship either.” But I promise, this is a happy article. Love exists. Friendship exists. You just have to find it, and you never will if you stink of desperation and Windex. Don’t be one of those people who loves love. Don’t be one of those people who even says that. I feel gross.
He goes on to say that we want someone “perfect” which is such a loaded statement, as he explains later. Perfect shouldn’t be defined as who is actually perfect, because in all seriousness, perfection only exists in numbers. Perfection in people is impossible and ridiculous. If there was someone who was truly perfect, a mob of jealous assholes would have strung them up from a tree.
The trick is not to find someone who is perfect, but someone who is the least flawed…IN YOUR EYES. Like a Peter Gabriel song, find who is perfect in your eyes. Who is perfect for you, not perfect in their own right. If you are looking for Prince Charming, Mr Right or the Perfect Woman than add Big Foot and Jimmy Hoffa to your list. We’ll give you a reality show on some obscure channel after a fish tank building show and you’ll look silly. The funniest part will be that someone in “reality” thinks they are going to find someone perfect.
I’ve broken up with girls for biting their fork when they eat, having toes like fingers, not closing their eyes when they kiss or I simply sobered up. I’ve been there. I’m no stranger to strange. I was looking for the perfect girl. She doesn’t exist. He is right. The problem I have with the article was that it didn’t offer a viable solution to the problem at hand. We all can’t just walk around flopping dicks and vaginas around in a naked culture of dub step and club drugs. That’s just ridiculous. Get real, Peter Pan. Remember, you will get no STD’s if the only person you let inside of you is Jesus. As a society, you need to eventually grow up and realize that you aren’t an individual little snow flake or as handsome as your mother said you were. You can’t do anything you imagine, if we could, we’d all be astronauts (according to new Axe commercials) and there would be no one to bury the dead.
The author mentions Disney and I agree, this isn’t a fairy tale. Disney ends their stories at the first kiss. The beginning of the honeymoon phase. Is that real life? What about when the economy gets bad? Prince Charming has to lay off the staff. You’re telling me Cinderella is doing chores again? That’s some bullshit. What about when the condom breaks, Cinderella gets knocked up. Did you ever smell a pregnant girl’s farts? It’ll melt your face. Then the baby is born, Prince Charming isn’t sleeping so he turns to the bottle, that drunk..All of a sudden things are tense and Cinderella catches a Rihanna like beat down for leaving the microwave door open.
All I’m saying is add a few more chapters before you end the story, Walt.
The author realizes that “perfection is perception” but neglects to show that not everyone is so focused on a girl built up in their mind on this pedestal of morning blow jobs and pancakes. Some people have never had a great relationship. Some people have no basis for comparison. When I date a girl, I can be like “Oh, this girl is better than _____” but in all of my past relationships, I was the recipient of a swift scissor kick to the balls by my girl by way of sucking dicks like they were ring pops. The easiest girl to fuck is usually my girlfriend. Partly because I’m obsessed with instability. I’m a forest fire that will only have sex with gasoline. Pour no water on me, god dammit. I need some daddy issues and low grade alcoholism. Don’t even talk to me if your mascara is still neat. I want tears in those eyes before we talk. I’m obviously kidding but that seems to be my dating pattern.
As people, we do fear change. I understand. Change is scary. It’s not your favorite thing and that’s insane to creatures of habit. I’m going to say that you will not end up alone if you fear change. It’s just going to take you longer. If you are honestly and sincerely throwing yourself out there (which is also insane to some people who fear rejection) you will find someone who you consider perfect. It will happen. She might even be better than your basis of comparison as this author suggest. The key is to actually throw yourself out there. Put the ball in their side of the court. Don’t leave things for interpretation and signal reading. That’s how relationships are doomed before they start. It’s just as bad as falling in love but never showing it. If you want to be with someone, make it known to them or how will they ever know that you’re interested?
Honestly, I can go on and on about this topic but I’m starting to not understand if I agree or disagree with this guy. It was an excellent read but I think this is a topic in which specifics are needed. It’s a case by case thing.
I think what we are both trying to say is that in your next relationship, give the person a clean slate. Don’t hold things your ex did against your new girlfriend. Don’t come to resent your new girlfriend if she’s not exactly like your old girlfriend. Clean slate.