I just got home from Broadway Comedy Club where I had some funny interactions with people. I’m going to list pieces of of conversations that I’ve had with people in the last few months. I’m not blowing smoke up my own asshole, I just figured I’d give an intermission with some comedy seeing I do tell jokes but some of these posts aren’t the funniest things on the planet. It also goes to show you how I’m like a fake person and I just feign interest in almost everything I do. (BTW BULLET POINTS FTW!):
After the jump…
- “Yikes. I got the douche chills just from hearing that.” – Mike Keegan
- “You remind me of Christian Grey, granted you’re not a CEO, you don’t recruit women and have them sign contracts to be your submissive but you are definitely fifty shades of fucked up.” -Claire
- (while looking at a gigantic Jamaican in the audience with a turquoise duck billed platypus hat and a scowl on his face) “Well aren’t you just the angriest bird.” -HDM4
- “I don’t know why I hate this hipster culture, maybe it’s because I can’t grow a beard and I have perfect eye sight. It’s like I was naturally made to fit in. Thanks, Darwin.” -HDM4 (said at The Creek and The Cave)
- “I’d only fuck you if you gave me a blood diamond.” – HDM4 (to a guy who had a striking resemblance to the guy with the weird name from the movie Blood Diamond who said he thinks it’s a turn off when girls have sex after just one coffee date)
- “Depression is rage focused inwards.” -Justin
- “There are no innocent. Just the guilty and the dead.” -HDM4
- “The difference between a crack head and a heroin addict is that a crack head will steal your wallet; while a heroin addict will steal your wallet and help you look for it” -HDM4
- “Our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees, it’s just not working out.” -HDM4 (to an ex)
- “What the fuck is wrong with you? Everything you think is backwards. It’s like you’re not human” HDM3 (My dad)
- “Sometimes when you hit rock bottom the only plausible scenario for you is to break out a jackhammer” -HDM4
- “Stunny man’s phone had a zing tone.” -NY Post
- “As people we are made up of everything we see and everything we hear.” -Julie quoting Chuck Palahniuk
- “The Red Devil blew Rat in the bathroom of the Pig Sty” -a convo between Mike and Charlie that I didn’t understand.
- “I hate the internet” – My Mom
- “If Hank Moody catches a DWI then you should sue Californication.” – Jay to me
- “If you don’t knock him out, you don’t have a home? That’s some strong words coming from a dude named Frank!” -Me yelling at The Warrior during my movie marathon
- “Jerking off drunk is like doing jumping jacks. Only retards like it but It’s a decent work out.” -Kevin
Most of this was said on stage but whatever. I thought it would be a cute little break. I got some things I’m working on right now that will be up soon. Just right after I watch the McPoyle/Ponderosa wedding massacre.
Now, if you want to make fun of me some more. Comment. Of Follow me on Twitter @THElogic. It’s private now for obvious reasons but follow and you’ll get some awesome movie criticism.