I had a 1,000 words written on this topic but when I read it aloud it sounded like a retard on fire. “Edit, select all, delete.”
I’d like to talk about looking inward on the topic of relationships. It’s something that I started to do because I don’t think I’ve ever had a faithful girlfriend. It really sucks because after a while it’s like “Is my dick big enough?” “Do I have sex weird?” and then I’ll go out and crush more pussy than cervical cancer and normal girls will tell me that I’m okay and I have nothing to worry about. But I still can’t help but look at myself long and deep to see if I drove the person away with my personality and physical features.
I want to speak the truth on looking at ourselves but it’s a touchy topic because you don’t want to think it’s you and you’re the reason. It’s denial. But you actually have to take a look at yourself once in a while to make sure that your mom might be wrong and you are not a special little handsome man and your ex girlfriend wasn’t just a dumb broad.
I was explaining this post to someone and they didn’t understand that I wasn’t going to talk about myself and give examples using my own styles and habits but that’s where I think this would turn into the douche-nozzle blog. The person I was talking to said I should use this like “Alcoholics Anonymous” and not brag but list what works for me. So let’s see if we can do this without me seeming like an asshole?
My first piece of advice is “Get a style and own it.”
Now let me explain…everyone has a style, right? Regardless of what you think of that style, it’s still a style. I’ve seen the hipsters in Williamsburg. I’ve been to the Jersey Shore. Those are, in many people’s opinion, awful styles but they are styles none the less. Do you know how much “The Situation” gets laid? What about Ben Gibbard from Death Cab For Cutie? He was married to Zooey Deschanel! There are success stories to both “styles” that many people consider “douchey” so just pick what you like and run with it. That’s what I mean by “Own it.”
Sure, I hate guidos and hipsters just as much as the next guy but is there anything worse than a poser? I don’t think posers ever get laid. You know the guy, he’s got posters of the Yankees, Patriots and Lakers on his wall. He drives a Scion. He probably has a terrible nickname like “Scooter” or “Turtle.” His idol is Fred Durst. You know the type. This is the same dude that if he got called out for his tape up hair cut, would fold like a chair and shave his head the next day to fit in. Girls HATE this guy. Girls want a guy with confidence and someone who can protect them. Which I always thought was ridiculous, this isn’t Braveheart. You’re not going to get raped by the king on our wedding night. And I hope to christ you don’t live in Bed-Sty, Brooklyn where I’ll have to walk you home every night and knuckle-up with some dude named “Sticky T” from the Marcy Projects over my Air Force Ones. But girls want a guy to protect them. Whatever.
They also want a guy with “Swagger” but to be honest, never say the word “swag.” It’s like the uber-douche these days. I feel retarded even buying Old Spice “Swagger” but it just smells so fucking good.
So we got that? Confidence in your style. That’s what we need to succeed. Not suck seed.
Imagine this scenario. You’re out with your friends. In the corner of the bar. The music is playing some Top 40’s bullshit. There’s a cute brunette in the corner dressed conservatively. She’s with one other friend grabbing a glass of wine. She sees the group of guys (you and your friends or coworkers) who does she notice first? Is it you? If not, why? Is it because your friend Joe looks like a model with an electric smile? Or is because you’re dressed in all blacks and grays with a hat and hoodie on? Baggy jeans? No cologne? Not smiling. Looking strong and silent, yet totally uninviting. I got two bucks that says you’re going home alone and some dashing character named Hugh just went over the conservative brunette and asked her if she needed a refill.
Jerking off while drunk is like doing jumping jacks. Only retards enjoy it, but it’s a decent work out.
That’s your homework. I want you to think of how you can change to get that conservative brunette to notice you first. Maybe it’s because you look like you’re having an awesome time and everyone around you is being entertained by you and also having an awesome time. Maybe it’s some nice 7 jeans and a Burberry sweater? Maybe it’s some huge diamond studs for your ears. Who the fuck wears earrings? Pirates and the gays. Enough tangents. Let’s drive it home.
Get noticed first. Make eye contact. Anything longer than “2 Alligator” and she’s interested. Go over and say “Hi.” Introduce yourself. Offer to refill her drink. DO NOT beg to buy her a shot, you date rapist.
That’s what I want out of you. Good luck and Happy Hunting.